11 Signs Your Husband Is Controlling, and How to Handle It

Do you suspect that your husband may be controlling you? Have you just realized it now? Do you wish to know how to respond in this circumstance?

Read on if so. This is the definitive manual on handling a domineering husband.

If you’re curious about the nature of your relationship, check out our article about the different types of relationships and how to deal with them.

What Motivates People To Exercise Control?

A person may become controlling for a variety of reasons, and these causes will vary from person to person. In general, having experienced some sort of trauma earlier in life is one of the key factors that contribute to someone having controlling behavior. For instance, they might have experienced abuse or abandonment as a young child. When this trauma first occurred, they might not have been able to control the circumstances, but as they get older, they feel a need to exert control over everything so that they don’t experience further harm. They believe that by exercising control, they can safeguard themselves.

Extremely low levels of self-confidence and self-esteem can also contribute to someone being domineering. This individual may lack confidence in oneself because they have experienced repeated rejection from others or because they suffer from a personality disorder. As a result, they will make every effort to exert control over others in order to demonstrate their superiority. They get more self-assurance by disparaging others, and it makes them feel significant that they have influence over someone.

Examining your husband’s life prior to your presence will help you identify the underlying causes of his control issues. Has he had any childhood trauma? Does he experience mental health problems? Does he suffer from severe poor self-esteem? Once you have identified the source of the issue, you may be better able to see why your spouse feels the need to exert control over you, your relationship with him, and others around you.

12 Telltale Signs Your Husband Is In Control

We’ll look at 12 indications of controlling conduct. Each one is a warning sign, so if your spouse exhibits one or more of them, you should be concerned that he may be trying to exert control over you.

1. He Berates You

If your husband continually criticizes you, it is one of the most clear signs that he is trying to dominate you. They won’t just attempt to undermine you in order to make themselves feel better; they’ll also try to undermine your confidence in order to make you feel as though you depend on them.

Your partner’s criticism may begin softly; for example, they may criticize how you clean up after yourself, the way you speak, or your viewpoint on unimportant issues. He won’t simply have a problem with one or two things you do; his critiques will get more severe over time and cover a wide range of behaviors. Your husband may start to make negative comments about your looks, your clothing choices, your job, or even your sexual behavior. You can come to believe that nothing you do is ever good enough in your partner’s eyes and that everything you do is subject to criticism.

2. He Gives You the Guilty Feeling

People that are difficult to control will make you feel bad for whatever you do that makes them unhappy. By making you feel guilty anytime you do anything they don’t like, they will wear you down as they try to manipulate you into doing everything their way.

For instance, they could make you feel guilty for not staying home and spending time with them if they don’t like the fact that you hook up with one of your best friends once a week when you get home after visiting them. If they act in this way every time you return after seeing friends, you can reach a point when it is more convenient for you to stay at home with them and give in. They succeed when this occurs.

3. He Isolates You

One of the most effective strategies a person in charge can use to take control of you is isolation. A controlling person will make sure you are cut off from everyone around you, including the people you are closest to, since they want to have you all to themselves. They may gradually turn everyone against you or they may create a barrier between you and other people. They will gradually begin to isolate you, and it will become worse with time, just like the criticism.

For instance, they can begin to suggest that you cut off contact with your buddy if you want to improve yourself since they are a poor influence on you. As things worsen, they can even disparage you in front of your own family or fabricate a situation whereby they think you have harmed them inadvertently. They aim to have complete power over you without anybody noticing. Therefore, they could appear to be the ideal companion from the outside, and no one will notice that they are dominating you. When you have no one to protect you and stand by you, they have triumphed.

4. He Makes You Feel Bad About the Nice Things He Does For You.

People who are in control will frequently make an extra effort to assist you or buy you things without any justification. Despite the fact that it may seem like a good deed, don’t let yourself be duped. Controlling husbands sometimes give their wives gifts or put extra effort into the chores so they may turn it against their relationship.

Even though you may believe that receiving a stunning piece of jewelry or returning home to a newly mowed lawn is nice, it will come back to haunt you. You will need to be extra kind to them when they do something kind for you. As a result, in a controlling marriage, you might need to spend some time apart from your pals, make sure to keep in touch with them often, or buy them something. In actuality, there will always be a cost associated with receiving a gift from a dominating individual.

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5. He is Envious

Extreme jealousy is a trait shared by those who are domineering. You will be able to tell if your partner is envious because they will talk about it openly and verbally. They can be envious of how other people are looking at you or even how another guy liked your Facebook or Instagram post. If your spouse displays jealousy just once, you might not mind.

After all, you likely believe that his jealous behavior is a sign of his deep love for you. You will eventually come to see that your husband’s degree of jealously toward others close to you is not normal; rather, it is possessive and controlling. He’ll also feel envious of everyone who is spending time with you when he isn’t, not simply those who are merely looking at you.

Couple Having A Misunderstanding — Husband controlling his wife

6. He Wants to Know Your Financial Situation

Someone who wants to be in charge also wants to be in charge of your wealth. This is in addition to wanting to control your thoughts and actions. Your partner will manage the money in a controlling relationship or marriage and may even try to prevent you from learning about them. He could begin to gradually take control of the finances, but it might lead to him having access to all of your account information and monitoring how much and on what you spend your money. He could criticize your financial decisions and make you feel bad about them. In rare cases, the person in charge may even give their partner a fixed sum of money each week or month to live off of.

7. He deceives you

A dominating individual may resort to gaslighting, a kind of emotional abuse, to gain complete control over their partner’s emotions. Your husband may be gaslighting you if he makes you doubt the things you have done or the emotions you feel. For instance, he may radically alter the course of an event, leaving you feeling crazy since you were convinced it had place in a different way.

He will question you and test your sanity so frequently that he will finally wear you down to the point where you can no longer believe yourself. Because you think you’re insane, you can find yourself in a scenario where you have to rely on your spouse to tell you how you feel and what happened. If it comes to this point, the manipulator has succeeded because you are forced to depend on them, which makes you even more vulnerable to their manipulation.

8. He Threatens You

Controlling persons frequently act in a frightening manner to make you feel as though you must comply with their demands. Someone threatening to harm or even murder you may come to mind when you think about threats. This may occur in a physically violent relationship, although such threats are less likely to be made in a marriage to a domineering spouse. An abusive husband can instead threaten to harm you in other, more emotional ways.

For instance, they could threaten you with any of the following: they’ll lie to your loved ones, they’ll take your kids and go away, or they’ll postpone a vacation you had planned. Threats of self-harm are frequently used by a controlling spouse, especially if you are planning to leave them. Many women continue to be in abusive marriages because they fear their husbands would hurt themselves if they leave. This is an extreme example of emotional control.

9. He Loves You, But Only If…

Your spouse could only show you affection in exchange for something in a dominating relationship. You shouldn’t have to put much effort into getting your husband to love you in a typical marriage; he should do so out of pure affection. The controlling man you marry will make sure you understand that he will only show you affection if you do what he wants you to do.

For instance, if you haven’t spent time with him all day, he might not show you any love or devotion, but as soon as you start taking care of him, he will. He can say things like, “I would love you so much if you brought the kids to school in the morning instead of me,” in an effort to make you earn his love and devotion. You’ll likely comply because you want him to adore you. He constantly makes you earn his affection, and this is not how a happy marriage functions.

10. He Spy On You

Your partner will want to know where you are at all times if he is controlling you. He probably won’t trust you either, therefore he’ll probably follow you, spy on you, or inquire about your whereabouts on a regular basis. You might not even be aware that they are spying on you if they are physically following your movements or if they have installed spying software on your phone.

They could check your search history, browse your phone, or use their phone to access your social media accounts. These are not actions that a conventional spouse would take; instead, he is violating your privacy. He could try to hide his tracks if you catch him spying on you or checking your phone by telling you a heartbreaking tale about how he was once betrayed and wanted to make sure you weren’t being disloyal. This is untrue. He ought to believe you.

11. He Is Not Listening To You

Your husband will block out anything you say if he’s attempting to manipulate you. When the two of you are at odds, he won’t even allow himself to try to listen to you or comprehend your perspective. If you try to confront him about his conduct, he will likely ignore you and try to shift the subject while acting as if he didn’t hear you, or he may become very irate, making you feel guilty for even bothering to bring it up.

He’ll undoubtedly speak over you even in casual chat and prevent you from voicing your views. This may also apply to situations where you are with other individuals. He can try to minimize your contributions and discount your viewpoint in front of others. You’ll have unease and a lack of support as a result, which will impair your self-esteem.

Last But Not Least: He Tires You Out

Someone in a dominating relationship wants to exhaust you, undermine your self-worth, and make you feel like you must rely on them. You will have to put up with their manipulation and follow their instructions because else they will make sure they are the only one left in your life. As a result, if your spouse is controlling, you’ll notice that he continually criticizes you, makes you feel unworthy, threatens you, and removes you from your friends and family. If you don’t see the situation as it is, you’ll get so weary of it that you give in and behave the way he wants you to.

How Do You Handle A Husband Who Is Controlling You?

It’s time to look at how you can cope with controlling individuals now that we’ve looked at some of the indications that will be showing in your marriage and some of the personality traits that your spouse may be expressing if he is controlling.

Make Contact With Others

It’s critical that you speak out to those close to you if you believe your partner is attempting to dominate you. Even if your spouse won’t be aware of it, you must make sure you maintain your strong relationships with your friends and family despite your husband’s attempts to isolate you from them. It’s a good idea to open out to someone you know and trust about the scenario you’re going through if you feel safe doing so.

They might be able to provide guidance or at the very least a welcoming and secure environment for you to vent your emotions at this time. Don’t allow your spouse destroy the bonds you have worked so hard to create, particularly those with your family.

Discuss your partner’s behavior with them.

Even if your spouse might not listen to you or consider what you have to say, it’s still beneficial to be honest with them. While you still have strength and self-confidence, you need to let them know that you won’t tolerate their actions. If you let them know how you feel, perhaps they would realize how much you are being harmed. Advising the two of you to go to marriage therapy would be helpful. Inform your partner that you want to support him and that you want to make this relationship work.

Establish Limits

Setting limits is helpful if your partner is still listening to you or if their conduct has improved during your couple’s counseling. You must be very clear about the behaviors you will and will not put up with from your spouse. Your spouse may have an understanding of what is appropriate and what he shouldn’t do. It will assist if you can both agree on how the marriage should run. You can impose these boundaries on yourself if your spouse refuses to listen to you or cooperate. When your spouse exhibits this conduct, you may select what you won’t tolerate, and you will know when he has crossed a line.

Determine if you want to remain wed to this person.

You must decide what to do if your partner’s conduct doesn’t change and he refuses to ask for help from others. Are you still interested in having a relationship with this person? If you’re unsure, setting a deadline may be helpful to determine if the situation is getting better or worse.

It is preferable for you to leave if you are concerned that your spouse will abuse you emotionally or physically, or if they are already doing so more frequently. An abusive spouse shouldn’t be something you must live with. It may be helpful to consult with a professional who can provide you with the assistance you need to leave the relationship in the case of more severe abuse.

Final thoughts

I really hope that this essay has provided some clarity on the subject of dominating relationships and how to recognize one. Ask for assistance if you need it; do not allow this individual to dominate you. You have the fortitude to overcome this.

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