The 8 things I learned that were stopping me from being happy (Here’s What I Did)

The idea of happiness seems more like a dream than a reality to many people. Although most of us find it difficult to be happy all the time, you could be stopping yourself from being happy without even realizing it. Despite the ease of blaming external factors, there is only one person who has true control over your happiness: you.

As quoted by Psychology Today:

When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.

Alexander Graham Bell

So, what’s stopping me from being happy?

It can be difficult to try to change your view on life, but if it would turn things around for the better, isn’t it worth it? If you’re unhappy with your current situation and don’t know why, it’s time to look into what’s stopping you from being happy.

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” – Andy Rooney

I used to doubt that I could ever be happy.

I was lonely. I was befuddled. And I was overwhelmed.

Fortunately, when I started looking inside, everything began to shift. I discovered how I was the source of my sadness.

And I discovered what was keeping me from enjoying life.

Here are eight of the things I discovered:

1) Ignoring yourself and your needs

One of the main things was that I was neglecting what was right for myself. I glanced outside for solutions.

I looked to my friends and society to advise me how to conduct my life. It was too painful to uncover what I needed, so I handed away my power and assumed that would cure everything.

It didn’t.

I eventually discovered that no one really knew how to live a happy life. Some seem assured, yet they don’t truly know.

Even the happiest people experience sad times. When I began recognizing what I felt drawn to accomplish and what felt right for me, things began to change.

It happened slowly. I wasn’t sure at first, but I began to listen to my inner voice: my intuition.

2) Ignoring your intuition (or inner GPS)

When I started listening to myself, I realized I had an inner guidance system.

I didn’t call it that back then. It communicated with me through my emotions. When something was right for me, I felt inner calm, delight, and curiosity.

When something wasn’t right, it seemed lifeless, dead.

I realized that trying to understand life logically didn’t work because my thinking couldn’t predict the future.

The heart is what I would term my inner GPS. It guides me through life, one moment at a time. I’m not sure where I’m headed, but I know I’m on the right track when I listen to my heart.

3) Defying the darkness

Life comprises both darkness and light.

It may seem contradictory, but when you embrace the darkness, you open the door to the light.

I’ve been through some dark, melancholy times in my life. I used to oppose them, a lot. Today I do it less.

I know that it is through these difficult moments that I learn the most. I dive inside. I take it all in and observe what makes me tremble with fear.

I study my interior reality and remain in the current moment.

This is difficult for me to accomplish when I’m feeling low. I want to escape to food, movies, games, literature, and anything else besides the darkness.

But as I go in, I realize that the blackness is nothing more than a virtual reality that I constructed. When I examine my worry of not having enough, I discover that what I’m afraid of is a concept I choose to entertain.

4) Ignoring the “now”

The more I try to avoid the current moment, the more miserable I get.

When I stay right here, right now, even the most mundane things become remarkable. Dishwashing feels alive.

But if I try to exchange the now for a future paradise, I end myself in a current misery.

Being in the moment, for me, is simply recognizing what is present right now. I can hear my fingers tapping away on the keyboard as I write this.

I can hear the hum of my computer’s circuits and feel my body on the chair.

Above all, I fully express my emotions. As I write this, I’m getting a little nervous. That’s OK. It’s normal to feel anxious.

5) Being terrified of doing things wrong

My fear of making mistakes equates to my fear of losing something.

I also believe that there is a perfect method to do something.

But I have no way of knowing any of this. I’m not sure if making a mistake helps me improve (which it often does). And I’m not sure if making a mistake is the best option for me.

We, you see, live in our heads. We create a reality that we then feel is real when it is not.

My faults will be forgotten in a hundred years. What will important (for me) is how much I loved and cherished life.

I’m a person. You are a person. We all make mistakes. I don’t think that’s a problem if we’re honest with ourselves.

6) Wanting to be perfect all the time

I attempt to be flawless because I believe it will bring favor from others, including you.

And that approval will make me feel appreciated and good about myself.

However, striving for perfection implies discarding oneself. It means I don’t like myself right now. It implies not doing the best I can with what I have.

Perfect, as I view it, is always out of grasp.

I’m trying to feel better, but all I’m doing is making myself feel worse. When I see the perfection trap, I return to the present moment.

I take deep breaths. I do my best. And I follow my heart.

This also relates to remaining in the current moment. I’m not always in the present. I strive to accept whatever comes my way.

7) Trying to find happiness

I often slip into the habit of chasing happiness.

But to me, it’s more like I’m avoiding my feelings. I feel horrible, so I want to be happy. I see a happy future for myself and wish for it.

I want it right now.

I say to myself, “If only I had that, I could be happy.”

That thought, though, is what is keeping me hooked. The need for happiness pulls me out of the present moment.

When I let go of the need to be somewhere else, I notice what is right here. Sometimes it isn’t what I want, but even what I think I want is a different concept.

Each idea that says I need something else is a chance for me to stay in the present now.

8) Anxiety over controlling life

I don’t control life.

I can control my reactions and behaviors, but not much else.

When I try to influence life, people, and places, I become weary. It’s not my domain. It is not up to me to influence the outcome.

All I can do is follow my heart, my inner GPS, and see what occurs. I am a passenger in this body, on this blue planet.

I’m here to experience both the good and the bad. I’m here to learn and progress. To cry and to laugh.

And Most importantly:

Putting aside your dreams

Dreams are frightening.

It took me two to three years to find the confidence to write about the things I actually wanted to write about.

I was terrified of what you might think and do. I was frightened of failing, of achieving, of everything.

I recognized that I could either give in to my assumptions or take the next step and see what happened.

Fortunately, I moved on. And you know what? Nothing awful happened.

I wrote. I told others about my job. My audience grew. And years later, here I am. Here you are, reading my words.

My dreams began with a single step, and so will yours.

Stop waiting for a huge opportunity and observe the doors that are open today. It might merely involve creating a blog that has ten subscribers or writing in your journal. But one must begin somewhere.

And begin before you feel ready.

Trying to fix others

I used to believe it was my obligation to fix others, even if it meant pushing them to see things my way, which jeopardized both my happiness and theirs.

I now let folks pursue their own route.

The answer is yes. You have a lot of experiences to gather. I’m not going to get in the way of that.

If you come to me for aid, I will assist you, but I will not impose my truth on you.

I cannot control life, and I cannot control you. When I see that life will take care of itself, I have no need to control you.

This has been extremely difficult with my loved ones, but I’m learning. The answer is yes.

There is no repairing since I do not understand what perfection is. If we are here to experience life, then perfection is experience.

There are no missteps, blunders, or perils.

There is only this instant.

So, when asking yourself: Why can’t I be happy?

I have one main recommendation: there are many things I’ve learnt in my life, but one of the most important is that we tend to take our views too seriously.

We have a tendency to take life far too seriously.

I believe that if I make a mistake, my dreams would be shattered. But when I see the assumptions behind that words, and when I realize that my dreams are a fabrication of my mind, I am emancipated.

I recall that all I have to do, all I can do, is follow my instincts.

I can only do what makes me happy, and the rest will be taken care of by life.