A successful relationship requires effective communication. Good communication will look different for each couple, but there are certain fundamental concepts to remember when attempting to communicate well with your partner.
In addition to key principles, there are typical mistakes that you should avoid when in a relationship. Here are 7 communication mistakes that occur in every relationship, as well as some solutions to these typical issues.
If you’re curious about the nature of your relationship, check out our article about the different types of relationships and how to deal with them.
1) Failure to listen
The first thing that comes to everyone’s mind when we talk about communication is talking. But that’s only half the story. Effective communication necessitates active listening, which entails actively hearing what your partner is saying, interacting with them through questions or remarks, and allowing them space to express everything they need to say.
Forgetting to listen to your partner is a common communication mistake in many relationships. Sometimes we are so focused on our response/rebuttal that we fail to hear our partner out, which is a significant communication mistake.
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2) Tendency to interrupt
When conversing with your partner, or when they are speaking to you, you must not only listen to them, but you must also listen to them without interrupting!! Interrupting your spouse (or anyone else) is incredibly disrespectful and prevents them from feeling comfortable sharing their feelings.
Most of the time, people are unaware that they are interrupting you. People are frequently so concentrated on their retort or what they want to say that they completely interrupt the trains of thought of others.
Sometimes individuals think they know what you’re going to say and want to answer before you’ve had a chance to properly clarify your thinking.
This is not always done on purpose, so if you notice your partner doing this to you, call it to their attention in a calm and respectful manner. Saying things like, “hey, I’d really like to finish my thought,” or “returning to what I was saying,” will assist you redirect the conversation so you can finish your piece.
Both parties should be able to speak without being interrupted in order to have excellent communication and avoid mistakes in a relationship. Holding yourself and your partner to these standards will help you communicate more effectively.
3) The use of “you” statements
Arguments are a crucial aspect of pair communication. Because not all conversations may be cheerful and pleasant, learning how to fight effectively as a couple is critical to building excellent communication skills.
When arguing with your partner, avoid utilizing “you” expressions such as “you don’t listen to me” or “you hurt my feelings.” These are incredibly accusing statements that will put your spouse on the defensive instead of focusing their attention on hearing you.
Instead of employing blame phrases, concentrate on “I” statements. Saying phrases like “I don’t feel heard” or “my feelings have been hurt” will urge your partner to see things from your point of view and listen to your side of the story.
They will then (hopefully) consider how their actions may have contributed to these events, and you will be able to have a mature and successful dialogue about how to proceed.
4) Your partner cannot read your mind
Yes, nonverbal communication is a genuine kind of communication, but if there is something you truly need your partner to know, you should tell them verbally.
Many people believe that if they leave signals (both subtle and not so subtle), their spouses will ultimately notice and comprehend what they desire.
However, this is rarely the case. You will be dissatisfied and your desires will not be met if you expect your partner to understand what you want without stating it out for them.
To avoid mistakes and to ensure that your spouse understands how to support you and what you require, use vocal communication to communicate your needs. Most of the time, people will appreciate your candor, and you will love feeling heard and supported.
5) Overemphasis on compromise
A prevalent misperception is that compromising is the best approach to resolve an argument. People believe that if there is a conflict, both parties must reach a mutually beneficial settlement.
However, this rarely occurs, and focusing too much on compromise might actually hinder good communication. While compromise is necessary, you should not place too much emphasis on it during an argument.
Non-confrontational persons may find it easier not to speak up and to get the disagreement over with as quickly as possible. In the long run, though, it is far preferable to prolong the conflict, speak your mind, and expose all of your problems.
Failure to do so will result in you retaining a grudge or feeling unnoticed/unheard by your partner.
6) Failure to recognize your partner’s perspective
Communication entails listening to your partner and attempting to perceive things from their point of view.
Even if you believe you are correct, it is critical to understand where your lover is coming from in order to understand how they processed the situation and why they acted the way they did. Mistakes are constantly lurking around the corner.
Even if there is no dispute or conflict, it is beneficial to consider your partner’s point of view in order to be a more sympathetic listener and companion.
Refusing to acknowledge your partner’s point of view might make them feel alienated in the relationship, leading to poor communication and possibly deeper problems.
7) Failure to fully comprehend what your partner is saying
It can be difficult to communicate what’s on your mind without making dreadful mistakes, especially if you want to express yourself clearly and be understood by your partner. A lot of the time, we assume that we are making our thoughts obvious to our partners, but that is not always the case.
Sometimes your companion will get a completely different impression than you did. It’s difficult to tell if they grasp what you’re saying because they misjudge your tone or utterly misunderstand your argument.
After an important discussion, a decent solution is to summarize each other’s points. This a) demonstrates to your spouse that you were paying attention in the first place, and b) guarantees that you both understand what the other was saying.
This does not imply that you must agree with what was said, but rather that you must acknowledge their point so that everyone is on the same page about what was said.
Finally, a couple more deadly mistakes not to ignore:
Excessive communication
Yes, communication can help to fix many relationship issues, but there is such a thing as TOO MUCH communication.
Too much negative communication, in particular, can be a significant mistake in your relationship. It is not necessary for your spouse to always be aware of what is going on in your head; remember the adage “if you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all.”
It’s natural to become frustrated with your partner from time to time, but it’s not necessary to bring up every criticism or issue you have. Communicating all of your concerns will make your partner feel picked on and condemned.
The silent method
This should definitely go unspoken when discussing communication… but don’t give your partner the silent treatment! If you are upset, you must express what is bothering you and your feelings.
To avoid mistakes, use proactive language like “I am upset and would like to talk about this when I have processed my emotions” or something along those lines instead of leaving the room or applying the silent treatment.
If you can’t speak properly when you’re wounded or angry, state your case clearly and agree to analyze the situation once things have calmed down. Recognizing that you are not yet ready to talk about something is a mature method to postpone uncomfortable talks until you are.
Recognizing the appropriate time
When things reach a boiling point, it’s impossible to keep your emotions in check or have a courteous dialogue.
While this is never a desirable situation, it does occur on occasion. That being said, you should be able to choose your moments strategically most of the time and prevent blowouts at inconvenient times.
If you have something on your mind that you need to talk with your spouse, attempt to bring it up at the appropriate time. While there is no appropriate time to have a difficult conversation, you should find a time when both you and your spouse have some time to talk things out.
Don’t make the fatal communication mistake of discussing when your partner is about to leave or your buddies are ready to arrive….
Knowing when to have a talk and choosing your fights will lead to more productive communication.
What if a relationship coach could help you?
Talking to a relationship coach can be very helpful if you are looking for specific advice regarding your situation.
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