Have you ever felt so lonely that all you wanted to do was snuggle back into your mother’s arms? As if everything is a shambles, and even the greatest comfort food can’t make you happy? Dealing with the fear of being alone after a breakup might be difficult, but there is a lot of light at the end of the tunnel, believe me.
You wake up and check your phone for a “good morning” text, but there is none. Everything feels quieter as you go about your day, and there’s a gaping emptiness inside of you that nothing seems to fill. You can’t seem to get rid of the constant longing for the one person who dominates your thoughts.
It’s a void that makes you feel lost and afraid.
I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel alone.
Robin Williams
Nothing quite like a breakup to instill anxiety and fear of being alone. It’s like a wave of dread strikes you once the breakup dust settles and you realize you’re no longer together. Anxiety sets in, and you wonder whether you’ll ever find someone to love you again.
It’s a phobia I grew acquainted with when dating in my early twenties.
When it came to relationships, I was a late bloomer. I never had a high school or college sweetheart, and I spent half of my twenties in painfully casual relationships.
Those relationships would end nearly as fast as they began, leaving me distraught and wondering if I’d be alone forever.
What made things worse was seeing my friends in happy, devoted relationships and doubting that I would ever have it for myself. Spending the most of my life alone felt like a curse.
Then, following a series of brief encounters, I met someone who would eventually become my boyfriend. It was the moment I had been anticipating for years, yet it was not what I had hoped for.
Be a loner. That gives you time to wonder, to search for the truth. Have holy curiosity. Make your life worth living.
Albert Einsten
I believed being in a relationship would offer me happiness and tranquility, but after I got the serious, committed relationship I craved, I discovered I was merely disguising my loneliness behind a false feeling of security. Because being with someone who was not the proper person for me felt just as lonely.
So, now that I’m alone again after a five-year relationship ended, I have a fresh perspective on my feelings of loneliness and dread.
While I don’t have all of the solutions, and everyone copes in their own manner, here are some things that helped me conquer my anxiety of being alone after a split.
Lean on others for help.
A breakup might feel similar to losing your footing, and this is why we fear ending up alone so much. The person on whom you formerly relied for support has been yanked from beneath you, and it can be difficult to regain your footing.
Those sentiments of loss enhance those of loneliness.
However, if you look about, you’ll probably discover others in your life who are just as supportive (if not more) than your ex-partner.
My buddies were the first people I turned to after my split. They were my shoulder to weep on, and I could confide in them about everything.
Even though I didn’t communicate with them as much as I should have throughout my previous relationship, when it ended, they were there for me without hesitation.
Understand that being single does not imply being alone.
Almost everyone has at least one person they can turn to in times of need, so reach out to friends, family, or anybody you feel comfortable opening up to in order to freely vent, scream, rage, and express your feelings.
If you don’t have someone to depend on, now can be a good time to concentrate on creating a support network outside of a romantic relationship by placing yourself in new settings and making new acquaintances. Being single will no longer be as frightening since you’ll know you’re never truly alone.
Accept & welcome being single.
Do you see your breakup as merely an end, or as a fresh beginning?
If you just see the change in your relationship status as a loss, chances are you also see being alone as a negative, which causes your loneliness and unhappiness to take over.
Sure, you lost a relationship, and the pain that comes with it takes time to heal, but you have control over how you interpret the breakup and the experience of being single.
So, change your viewpoint and focus on the positives by using this time to reconnect with yourself.
Pain makes you stronger. Fear makes you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser.
Unknown
Many people in relationships wind up copying their partners’ behaviors, likes, and dislikes, losing their sense of self in the process. It can happen to anyone.
The termination of a relationship is the ideal time to reassess all of your hobbies and passions to determine what is genuinely yours.
Consider this: You no longer have to consider another person’s opinions, feelings, and wants, which means you can finally focus on you and you alone. So accept it.
Having the time and space to focus on your own needs is critical for personal development and happiness. That way, you’ll have a better idea of who you are, which will help you find a better companion in the future.
When fear of being alone shows up, just think of this: breakups, like everything else in life, are all about perspective.
Get out of your own way.
During times of stress and worry, we frequently overthink and overanalyze. It’s a vicious circle that only feeds negative thinking and keeps us stuck in the past. You must physically go forward in order to progress.
Engage in activities that will take you out of your head and make you less likely to linger. Find activities that will disturb your negative thought patterns and keep you from sliding into a pit of dread and misery. Exercise, pick up a new hobby, be creative, start a new passion project—do everything to connect you with the physical environment.
Focus on the environment around you, cultivate thankfulness, and be aware of your ideas and how they shape your worldview.
While you can’t totally escape feelings of loneliness, especially late at night and early in the morning, moving your body and doing action can help ease the transition from partnership to single life.
As a result, those concerns of being alone will be alleviated.
Learn to accomplish things on your own again.
It’s wonderful to have a partner in crime, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun doing things alone.
When you execute an activity by yourself, you gain a sense of empowerment. It requires confidence and forces independence, both of which many of us might benefit from more of.
So go back to past things you used to perform just with your spouse and attempt them on your own. Find new hobbies to attempt on your own as well.
I made an effort after my split to accomplish things I was too afraid to do without a companion. I began by doing little things like going to restaurants by myself. Then I went on to other things such as visiting museums, resting on the beach, and exploring local landmarks in my city.
The most significant action I engaged in was going on vacation by myself. I travelled two hours away to spend a few days at a place I’d never been to before, which helped me overcome my phobia of venturing into the unknown on my own.
While these activities were first intimidating, they showed me that I don’t need a companion to do the things I want to do. It was also inspiring to realize that I am capable of accomplishing things on my own.
Going it alone may be intimidating at first, but pay attention to how you feel afterwards. You may not feel much better the first time you perform it, but with repeated practice, you may feel stronger and more confident.
Develop self-care behaviors.
Going through the grief of a breakup necessitates room to recover, so take advantage of this time for thoughtful self-care.
Find techniques and activities that can help you live a more peaceful and thoughtful existence. You may accomplish this by practicing meditation to clear your mind and ease any tension you may be feeling, or you can start journaling and write down your thoughts.
Other self-care practices include going to the spa, exercising, eating properly, and getting enough sleep.
The aim is to be selfish and concentrate on yourself and your wants. Listen to what’s going on in your body and mind as you undertake the things described above—thoughts, emotions, aches and pains, and everything.
It will not be easy, but confronting your difficulties will allow you to heal the scars of the past and avoid repeating detrimental relationship patterns in the future.
It is worthwhile to wait for the right person.
You don’t want to start a new relationship just because you’re afraid of the alternative.
Fear of being alone in case of a breakup may lead to desperation, which can distort your judgment and force you to make judgments you wouldn’t make otherwise. We end up picking the wrong person and settling for less than we deserve in times of desperation.
When you’re terrified of being alone, it’s difficult to accept the single life, but it’s all about perspective. Rather than allowing your anxieties to corner you and consume you, confront them by seeing the opportunity in front of you.
You could find that being alone isn’t that horrible after all since it allows you to explore yourself and put your best foot forward when you’re ready for love.
After all, isn’t it better to be single than to be pushed into the arms of the wrong person by fear?
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