Do you ever feel like you’re just a backup option in your relationship? Do you have doubts about yourself and wonder if it’s all in your head? It’s difficult to love someone yet believe that your partner would leave you for someone “better” if the opportunity arose.
If your partner treats you like an option, you may feel unimportant, lose self-esteem, and question your worth. Maybe you used to be a strong and confident lady before meeting this new guy.
If you don’t feel like a priority in your relationship, you’re not alone. Many women have been in similar situations. If you feel that you’re merely an option in your partner’s life, there is still hope for you.
Let’s take a look at what it means to be an option in a relationship and what you can do to avoid living a one-sided nightmare.
When asked, “Why do I feel like an option?” State University of New York Professor Sandra L. Murray responds:
Don’t accept a partner who wanted you for rational reasons… Look for someone who is emotionally committed to you because you are you.
If you’re curious about the nature of your relationship, check out our article about the different types of relationships and how to deal with them.
8 Signs He Sees You as an Option
1) You will feel like a burden if you are not a priority.
You should be the most beautiful lady in your relationship. If you don’t, you should. The right guy will go out of his way to make you feel unique.
If, on the other hand, you feel like a burden to your partner, this could be a warning flag. If he deliberately removes you from calls, texts, or ignores you for multiple days, he’s probably treating you like an option.
Don’t waste your time with somebody who doesn’t respect you. You deserve to discover someone who makes you feel special and valuable.
In essence, you deserve to be someone’s first choice, to be valued, and not taken for granted. It is more important to be selected than accepted.
“The problem is, one-sided relationships are simply too imbalanced. And unless partners get a chance to re-evaluate and re-balance their bond, one-sided relationships will catapult partners toward a path of ever-increasing challenge, conflict, frustration, and resentment.”
Says April Eldemire, a marriage and family therapist, on PsychologyToday
2) He won’t make the first move in dates or communication.
Communication is an essential component of any intimate relationship. However, putting in all of your effort with no reciprocation from your partner is a warning flag.
You can’t do everything and expect a relationship to work. Relationships will fail unless both parties make an effort. You and your spouse should take turns initiating dates, texts, and phone conversations. Your relationship is one-sided otherwise.
If your man fails to remember your birthday or other significant events in your life, he may be taking you for granted.
Have a discussion with your spouse about your expectations. Great if your partner steps up! If not, the relationship should be reconsidered.
If you continue to put in all the effort without any support from your partner, you will feel bitter and irrelevant.
3) He won’t include you in many activities.
If your partner does not involve you in key events such as friends’ birthdays, business holiday parties, or weddings, then you are not a priority to him or her.
If he “forgets” to notify you of significant occasions or family gatherings, it’s a good indication that he isn’t interested in you or feels embarrassed by you.
Remember that people who respect and love their partners want to accompany them everywhere. Your partner should be proud to have you as a partner and to show you off.
Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.
Mark Twain
4) He places too much value on lust.
If you feel like an option in a relationship, it could be because your partner primarily sees you for physical purposes. Perhaps your lover avoids eye contact with you in public, yet wants to have sex with you straight away in private.
Someone who seeks physical affection from you exclusively in private is a red flag.
It’s a clue that they don’t value you. They are just interested in sex if they only show you love when you are alone.
You should think about leaving this relationship to discover someone who can provide you with a more rewarding one.
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5) They have no interest in your activities.
Is your partner ever curious about how your day went? Or show an interest in your personal interests? If your partner treats you like an option, they are probably uninterested in your life.
Be honest with yourself if you see your spouse isn’t interested in you.
It’s difficult to accept that you’re merely an option for your partner, but keep in mind that you should feel cherished and vital in your relationship. You deserve genuine love from someone who genuinely cares about you.
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6) You’re seen as his third wheel.
Being a third wheel is never fun, especially when you’re with your “significant other.”
If your partner does not include you in activities with others, you may be the third wheel in your relationship.
Perhaps your partner invites you to gatherings, but you feel excluded when he is with his buddies. You might feel invisible, as if he wouldn’t notice if you went. This is difficult and infuriating for you.
If you continue to feel this way, talk to your partner. To make you feel involved, your partner should take actions to correct the situation. If he wants to be with you, he will prioritize you.
Is it a struggle to convince him to spend time with you?
Understanding males on a much deeper emotional level is the key to finding a solution.
With a few subtle comments you might make to him, you can actually modify the main reason why men react in this way.
Learn how to become his top priority in this free video by Relationship Psychologist James Bauer.
A relationship that feels like a third wheel between your partner and his buddies could indicate that your partner is not interested in you.
7) Your partner is dubious about you.
It may feel like your lover can’t get enough of you at times, especially in private. However, you will go days without hearing from them. When you are only an option in your partner’s life, it is easy for them to make little effort.
Healthy relationships necessitate reciprocity on both sides. When you are a priority to your partner, they will go above and beyond to make you feel appreciated and seen.
Many persons with an avoidant attachment style may act in ways that indicate they are uncertain about you. However, it is not your responsibility to heal their attachment style. It is your responsibility to look after yourself.
8) There is no attempt to fix the relationship
Any good partner will start talks and go out of their way to foster your relationship. Healthy partners want their loved ones to feel special and loved.
If, on the other hand, your spouse makes no effort to repair the relationship, especially after you’ve chatted with them, it’s a clear indication that this person does not regard you as a priority.
Essentially, you’re feeling insecure.
It’s natural to feel insecure while starting a new relationship. We frequently wonder if our partners would like us, and we want our sentiments to be mutual.
However, if you are treated as an option, you may get even more nervous. Listen to your gut if you have persistent doubts about your relationship. Feeling like an option in a relationship can lead to feelings of sadness and depression.
Don’t dismiss your intuition, and maintain a high level of self-respect. Get rid of any relationship that does not make you feel better.
You want a companion who is eager to learn everything there is to know about you.
7 Ways to Deal with Someone Who Considers You an Option
1) Express your requirements and expectations.
All love relationships require strong communication, but if you feel like you’re merely an option, it’s critical to communicate your feelings to your partner.
First, you must admit to yourself that you have expectations. Then, once you’ve identified your requirements, tell him how you want to be treated. If he can’t treat you as a priority, you should reconsider the relationship and recognize your worth.
Don’t give up. You are important!
2) Increase your self-esteem
Why can’t you convey that you don’t feel like a priority in a relationship? Because you are afraid that the person you love may abandon you. And why are you so terrified?
Because you lack self-esteem and do not love yourself enough. This is why you settle and compromise, even though you know the relationship is no longer serving you and you notice indicators that you should go when you’re not a priority.
Do you want to know what to do when you’re not a priority in your relationship? The most crucial piece of advise we can provide you is to work on improving your self-esteem, or becoming worthwhile in your own eyes.
Take a time to compile a list of your accomplishments and successes. Set short-term goals and reward yourself when you achieve them. At the end of the day, list your blessings and express your gratitude.
This will aid in the development of your self-esteem and self-worth. And once you respect yourself, you will not tolerate others demeaning you.
3) Maintain your options.
It is critical not to spend too much time thinking about your partner and what they are doing. If you’re not a priority in your boyfriend’s life, chances are they’re not thinking about you either.
Reclaim your happiness and get out and meet new people!
This will assist you in taking your thoughts off of this person. You will also discover that there are many others who would like to spend time with you. Keep your options open, and remember to love yourself.
“A woman who is busy, vivacious, and goal-oriented is far more attractive than a woman who sits around waiting for a guy to validate her existence.” Mandy Hale’s
4) Don’t ignore your intuition.
It’s awful to be viewed as an option. Always follow your intuition. Pay notice if something feels strange about the person you’re dating.
It’s not a good indicator if he just seems interested in you while you’re alone and ignores you the rest of the time.
Take some time to slow down if you’re having trouble hearing your intuition because you’re too busy. You could try:
- Meditation
- Spending time outside in nature
- Talking to a therapist
- Journaling
All of these activities can assist you in quieting your mind so that you can easily hear your intuition.
5) You don’t have to obsess about it
Do you feel like an option in a relationship? Maybe your partner is immature and incapable of being in a committed relationship.
If this is the case, there is no need for you to be concerned. The way your spouse acts says nothing about you but reveals a lot about your partner.
Concentrate on your own life.
Improve your self-esteem. Concentrate on your professional or personal objectives. By growing more confident and secure in yourself, you will be more likely to find a secure partner in the future.
6) You shouldn’t fight over affection
Fighting for affection from someone who is unable to provide it to you may lead to depression. It’s also a clear indication that you’re not your partner’s first priority.
Make time for seclusion and lavish yourself with kindness instead. Take a bubble bath and engage in other self-care activities.
Unfortunately, a partner who is incapable of making you a priority is unlikely to change.
Wait for the proper person to love you. The first step, though, is to value oneself. The more you value yourself, the less time you will waste on others who cannot fully supply your requirements.
Never beg someone for their attention. When you beg people, they feel powerful so they take control of your feelings.
If it does not work, simply walk away.
It is quite natural if your partner sometimes puts their health, job, or family over the relationship.
However, if you detect a consistent, unchanging trend, it is best to leave when you are not a priority.
Many of our readers ask me, “How do I know when it’s time to leave a relationship?” and I always say, “It’s time to go in some conditions – abuse, no communication, violation of trust, gaslighting.”
Seek treatment after you’ve walked away from this person. Relationship Hero can help you discover a therapist.
A trained therapist can assist you in determining where you fall into the trap of feeling inadequate and settling for incompatible companions.
Do you ever feel like you’re an option? Discover Why
If you’re constantly feeling like an option in a relationship, you need to delve a little further and figure out why you’re constantly finding yourself in these circumstances.
Learn to advocate for yourself, sort out your relationship priorities, and respect yourself and your personal limits.
Do not let your partner treat you as a backup plan.
If you find yourself in this predicament frequently, move away from relationships and concentrate on yourself.
Knowing what you value, as well as what you will and will not tolerate, is critical to finding the appropriate man for you.
Are you fed up with not being a priority? Then, prioritize your worth and put yourself first. Don’t accept anything less than the finest for yourself.
Key Points
- If you feel invisible, ignored, and under-appreciated in your relationship, it may be an indication that you are not a priority.
- A partner’s unsure feelings and habit of taking you for granted may make you feel like an option in a relationship.
- Make sure your expectations of your spouse are realistic, and that you are not expecting too much to fill an internal emptiness of loneliness
- Communicate your requirements to your partner openly, create self-worth, and consider walking away if you believe you deserve better.
FAQ’s
Why don’t I feel like a priority in my relationship?
You may not feel like a priority in your relationship because your partner isolates you or does not respond to your texts or phone calls. When we are treated as if we are an option, it is difficult not to begin to doubt ourselves. However, it is crucial to acknowledge that certain individuals may be incapable of loving you in the way you need to be loved, and it may be best to end that relationship.
What is the distinction between priority and option?
You will feel special and important to your relationship if you are a priority in someone’s life. You will have faith that your partner will be there for you. However, if you are simply an option, you will feel high maintenance and always feel inadequate. If you listen to your intuition, you will notice a difference.
Do feelings in a relationship change?
Yes, emotions change in a relationship. People go through stages of uncertainty. It is completely reasonable to be perplexed by your options. What counts most is how you cope with those doubts.
Why would a guy disregard you as a priority?
There are various reasons why someone would not prioritize you. It is possible that they are interested in someone else or that they have an avoidant attachment style. It has nothing to do with you not being regarded as a priority. Also, it reveals a lot about your relationship partner. Stay away from someone who treats you as second best.
Should my relationship feel like work all of the time?
True, all relationships require effort, but it should not feel like an uphill battle, especially in the beginning. If you are not a priority, your relationship will feel more work because you are the one doing everything. People that treat you as an option do not start dates or conversations with you. This is a sign that you should reconsider your relationship.
Final words: Feeling like an option?
Refer to this list whenever you feel like an option in your relationship, just remember that there are many signals that you are an option rather than a priority in your relationship, and there are many strategies to deal with being treated that way.
If you don’t feel like a priority, take a step back and prioritize yourself. Improve your self-esteem and self-worth. Let go of anyone who does not respect and appreciate you.
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What if a relationship coach could help you?
Talking to a relationship coach can be very helpful if you are looking for specific advice regarding your situation.
This is something I have personally experienced…
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