It’s funny how a simple question can change everything. When my yoga instructor asked, “What do you really want in a partner?” I realized I’d never truly thought about it. That moment sparked a journey to understanding how to attract the right man—not by trying harder, but by showing up as my most authentic self.
Hi, I’m Claire Delli Santi, and here’s what I’ve discovered: attracting the right man is less about strategy and more about clarity. Later in this article, I’ll share the story of how that unexpected question led me to find love in the most surprising way. Let’s get into it!.
If you’re curious about letting the right man take the lead, check out my guide on understanding pursuit dynamics.
Key Nuggets
- Authenticity is magnetic: Embrace your quirks and passions to naturally draw the right man.
- Past relationships hold clues: Analyze patterns and let go of emotional baggage to break the cycle.
- Attraction is science, not guesswork: Use body language and confidence to spark deeper connections.
- Your quirks are your compass: Like how my love for antique shops became my secret power—lean into what makes you unforgettable.
Step 1: Discover Yourself
Before you can attract the right man, you need to understand yourself first. Think of yourself as a product in the market. The better you understand the “product” (that’s you!), the better you can market it.
Understand Your Personality
Begin by understanding your personality, your likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses, passions, and fears. Be honest with yourself and embrace your authentic self.
Define Your Core Values
Identify your core values. These are the fundamental beliefs that guide your behavior and decision-making. Understanding these will help you attract a man who shares similar values, which is crucial for a healthy relationship.
Recognize Your Life Goals
What do you want to achieve in life? What are your long-term goals? Recognizing your life goals will help you find a man who supports your aspirations and respects your ambitions.
Step 2: Understand Your Past Relationships
Analyzing your past relationships can provide valuable insights into your relationship patterns. Look for common themes and recurring issues. This will help you avoid repeating the same mistakes and attract the right type of person.
Identify Your Relationship Patterns
Look back at your past relationships and identify patterns that led to their downfall. Did you rush into the relationship? Were there any red flags you ignored?
Learn from Your Mistakes
Use your past experiences as a learning opportunity. Understanding your past mistakes can help you make better choices in future relationships.
Let Go of Emotional Baggage
Past relationships often leave us with emotional baggage that can hinder our ability to form healthy relationships in the future. Learn to let go and heal from past wounds. This will help you enter a potential relationship with a clear mind and open heart.
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Step 3: Define Your Ideal Partner
Having a clear picture of your ideal partner can guide you in your quest for love. This doesn’t mean creating an unrealistic checklist of qualities; rather, it’s about identifying the key traits that you value in a partner.
Define Essential Traits
Think about the essential traits you want in a partner. These could include honesty, kindness, ambition, or a sense of humor.
Consider Compatibility Factors
Consider factors that contribute to long-term compatibility, such as shared interests, similar life goals, and compatible personalities.
Take your compatibility test here.
Keep an Open Mind
While it’s important to know what you want, keep an open mind. The perfect partner might not tick all the boxes on your list, but they could be perfect for you in ways you never imagined.
Step 4: Cultivate a Positive Self-Image
How you perceive yourself can significantly influence how others perceive you. Cultivating a positive self-image will make you more attractive to others, including potential partners.
Practice Self-Love
Self-love involves treating yourself with kindness and respect. It means accepting yourself as you are, flaws and all. When you love yourself, you exude positivity, which can be incredibly attractive to others.
Boost Your Confidence
Confidence is a universally powerful trait when attracting the right man. Boost your confidence by celebrating your achievements, embracing your unique qualities, and treating failures as learning opportunities.
Adopt Healthy Habits
Taking care of your physical health can also boost your self-image. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep can improve your mood and energy levels, making you more attractive to others.
Step 5: Develop Attractive Qualities
While physical attraction can spark initial interest, it’s your personality that sustains long-term attraction. Here are some qualities that can make you more attractive:
Be Authentic
Authenticity is attractive. Embrace your true self and let your true colors shine through. People are drawn to those who are genuine and comfortable in their own skin.
Be Kind
Kindness is a universally attractive trait. Acts of kindness, no matter how small, can make a big impact.
Be Positive
Positivity is contagious. A positive outlook on life can make you more attractive to others.
Be Passionate
Passion is attractive. Whether it’s a hobby, a cause, or a career, being passionate about something can make you more interesting and attractive.
Step 6: Expand Your Social Circle
Expanding your social circle can increase your chances of meeting the right man. This doesn’t mean you need to attend every party or join every club, but rather, be open to new experiences and meeting new people.
Participate in Social Activities
Participate in social activities that align with your interests. This could be joining a club, attending community events, or volunteering for a cause you care about.
Network Online
Online platforms can also be a great way to expand your social circle. This could be through social media, online forums, or online dating platforms.
Be Approachable
Be approachable and make an effort to engage with people. A friendly smile or a simple hello can go a long way.
Step 7: Understand the Science of Attraction
Understanding the science of attraction can help you attract the right man. Here’s what science has to say about attraction:
The Role of Pheromones
Pheromones are chemicals that our bodies naturally produce to attract potential mates. While we can’t control our pheromones, being aware of their role in attraction can help us understand why we’re attracted to certain people.
The Importance of Body Language
Body language plays a crucial role in attraction. Maintaining eye contact, smiling, and mirroring the other person’s movements can signal attraction.
The Power of Touch
Touch can also signal attraction. Casual touches, like a light touch on the arm or a pat on the back, can create a sense of intimacy.
Step 8: Trust the Process
Finding the right man takes time. It’s not a race, and there’s no need to rush. Trust the process and let things unfold naturally.
Be Patient
Love doesn’t operate on a schedule. Be patient and give it time.
Stay Positive
Stay positive, even when things don’t go as planned. Remember, every experience is a learning opportunity.
Be Open to Love
Be open to love, even when it comes unexpectedly. You never know when or where you’ll meet the right man.
The # 1 Secret When Attracting The Rigth a Man
Here comes a powerful yet little-known principle. Men’s primal instinct, known as the “hero instinct“, refers to a powerful innate drive within men to feel like “heroes” in their relationships (I’m not talking about superheroes here, of course).
It is a deep-rooted desire to protect, provide, and be needed by their partners.
By understanding and triggering this instinct, you can create an intense emotional connection with your man and make him crave you on a deeper level. Relationship coach James Bauer has developed a simple, science-based principle that taps into this instinct, but many women are unaware of its existence.
Thankfully, James Bauer offers a brief instructional video that explains this principle in an engaging and easy-to-understand manner.
By watching this video, you can gain valuable insights into how to trigger your man’s hero instinct and make him truly desire you.
With James Bauer’s guidance, you can attract the right man you always wanted, strengthen your relationship and create a lasting bond based on mutual love and admiration.
Deadly Mistakes to Avoid
While it’s important to know what to do, it’s equally important to know what not to do. Here are some common mistakes to avoid:
Don’t Settle
Don’t settle for less than you deserve. If you’re not happy in a relationship, it’s better to be single than to be with the wrong person.
Don’t Ignore Red Flags
Don’t ignore red flags. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.
Don’t Rush
Don’t rush into a relationship. Take your time to get to know the person and make sure they’re the right fit for you.
My Personal Take
A few years ago, during one of those soul-searching moments on a yoga mat (because, let’s face it, yoga makes you ponder everything), my instructor casually asked me what I truly wanted in a partner.
At the time, I thought I knew—kind, funny, stable—but her follow-up question threw me: “Do you even know how to attract the right man for you?” It hit me like a misplaced downward dog. I’d been so busy pleasing, compromising, and overthinking that I’d never stopped to define who I was or what I genuinely needed.
That realization changed everything. I started journaling, listing not just my non-negotiables in a partner but also my own quirks and passions.
It was liberating to embrace my love for quirky indie movies and my obsession with antique shops—things I’d hidden before, thinking they weren’t “cool enough.” Ironically, leaning into my weirdness made me feel magnetic. And yes, I met someone who adored those exact quirks.
If you’re stuck in the same loop, James Bauer’s His Secret Obsession guide is a game-changer. His hero instinct theory explains why understanding your worth and leaning into it isn’t just empowering—it’s the shortcut to attracting the right man without endless coaching sessions. It worked for me. Why not you?
FAQs
Q: How can I attract a high-quality man?
A: Attracting a high-quality man involves understanding yourself, defining your ideal partner, cultivating a positive self-image, developing attractive qualities, expanding your social circle, understanding the science of attraction, and trusting the process.
Q: Why do I keep attracting the wrong type of men?
A: You might be attracting the wrong type of men due to unresolved emotional baggage, a lack of self-understanding, poor self-image, or unhealthy relationship patterns. Understanding and addressing these issues can help you attract the right man.
Q: How can I be more attractive to men?
A: Being more attractive to men involves cultivating a positive self-image, developing attractive qualities like authenticity, kindness, positivity, and passion, and understanding the science of attraction.
Q: What qualities do men find attractive in women?
A: Men are attracted to women who are authentic, kind, positive, passionate, confident, and who take care of their physical and mental health.
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