Active listening in relationships: 13 powerful tips to make your partner feel heard (and strengthen your bond)

Dr. Carl Rogers, a pioneering psychologist, once posed a question to a group of couples: “When did you last feel genuinely heard by your partner?”

The room fell silent. Some exchanged uneasy glances; others stared at the floor.

That moment resonated deeply with me.

We often believe we’re attentive listeners, yet active listening in relationships remains a common challenge. The irony? Many of us don’t realize we’re missing the mark.

I’m Claire Delli Santi, and today, I’ll share 13 powerful tips to help you make your partner feel truly heard—and to strengthen your bond.

And, if understanding each other is this tricky, imagine how much relationship types shape the way we connect. Here’s how it all works.

Key Nuggets

• You’re probably listening wrong—without realizing it. Most people think they listen, but they’re actually just waiting to talk.
• Your body spills secrets before you speak. Crossed arms, lack of eye contact? Your partner feels it before you say a word.
• The words “never” and “always” destroy trust. One careless phrase can turn a small issue into a relationship battleground.
• Listening isn’t about fixing—it’s about seeing someone. Like a cracked phone screen, ignoring small fractures leads to total breakdown.

Being Receptive (and a Good Listener) in a Relationship

So, let’s look at some theories.

How many of us are already planning our rejoinder while the other person is still speaking? Therefore, how are we supposed to listen to that individual while planning our response to them?

I am aware because I have done it. While a friend is sharing an experience with me, I find myself racking my brain for a like experience to share with her rather than practicing active listening and truly engaging in our relationship.

When I do, I’m so eager to tell her that it makes her experience seem pointless.

Then there is my great partner, who I adore very much. The issue is that, occasionally, when I start talking, all I want to do is complain and moan. But because he cares about me, he will think of solutions because he wants to ease my fears.

At that time, I don’t want him to give me that. All I want is to be heard.

I’ve had to learn to acknowledge the triggers from previous relationships as well. Many years ago, I was in a controlling relationship where I was chastised for my beauty, my wardrobe choices, my financial situation, and even the way I kept the apartment tidy.

Even now, decades later, I still find it very challenging to absorb constructive criticism without defending myself. Right now, I can’t make out what is being said. I reject my partner’s argument instead,

I’m taken back to that destructive relationship, and I react appropriately.

Attempting to listen someone who holds a different opinion is another option. How can you control your emotions long enough to listen to your partner if the topic is very sensitive?

The short answer is that improving your listening skills is difficult. It used to be thought that effective listening was a largely passive ability, one that required you to benevolently accept information so you could digest it.

This is not the situation today. Although active listening is viewed as a “soft skill,” it requires focus, concentration, and practice.

You may believe that trying to become a better listener is all New Age nonsense and that you already know how to listen.

Consider the purposes of communication before you disregard this article.

We communicate a variety of things through speech, including our thoughts, anxieties, dreams, identities, and much more. We can better comprehend our partners if we listen attention to what they are saying. It encourages a healthy growth of the partnership.

What if your partner wasn’t paying attention to you when you had so much to say to them? After some time, wouldn’t the relationship be in trouble?

That is why it is crucial to develop active listening skills.

As a result, we ought to work on improving our listening skills. Here’s how.

How to Listen More Effectively in a Relationship

1) Pay your partner undivided attention.

It’s simpler than it seems. Your mind might be juggling a million things—dinner plans, unfinished projects, that frustrating email from work. But successful communication in relationships starts with practicing active listening and giving your partner your complete attention.

If you’re distracted, they’ll sense it. Interpersonal relationships thrive when we make a conscious effort to stay present. Imagine opening up about something deeply personal, only to be met with half-hearted nods. It feels dismissive, right? Thriving relationships require presence, not just physically but mentally too.

2) Pay attention to your body language

A key component of effective listening isn’t just hearing words—it’s tuning into the non-verbal cues. If your arms are crossed, your face expressionless, your partner might feel shut out. Instead, lean in slightly, maintain comfortable eye contact, and mirror their posture subtly. This communication technique builds trust.

Ever notice how couple connection deepens when body language aligns? It’s no accident. Our social skills instinctively adapt to people we feel safe with. Small shifts in posture, a comfortable tone, or a relaxed stance can transform how your partner perceives the conversation.

Is it a struggle to convince him to spend time with you?

Understanding males on a much deeper emotional level is the key to finding a solution.

With a few subtle comments you might make to him, you can actually modify the main reason why men react in this way.

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3) Avoid interruptions.

It’s tempting to jump in with advice or share a similar story, but real active engagement means resisting that urge. Interruptions can turn a meaningful conversation into a counter-argument before you even realize it.

Instead, ask open-ended questions to encourage deeper discussion. A conducive environment for honest sharing isn’t about waiting for your turn to speak—it’s about making space for your partner’s voice. Conversations aren’t debates, and good communication practice isn’t about winning. It’s about making your partner feel valued, respected, and truly heard.

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4) Decide on the subject

This may seem quite apparent to you, but when things are heated, insults and heightened emotions can obscure the genuine subject. Have they approached you regarding a relationship issue? Is this something you did? Do they want to talk about something that is positive or bad? Getting to the heart of the matter requires active listening in relationships.

5) In what state are they in?

Determine the conversation’s emotional tone now. Do they feel anxious, fearful, sad, angry, or frustrated? What are their opinions and sentiments towards the situation? You will be better able to respond if you are aware of how your partner is feeling. Provide consolation if your partner is unhappy, reassure them if they appear frightened, etc.

6) Remain emotionally composed

This isn’t about you—yet. Right now, your role is to create a supportive environment for your partner. Emotional outbursts can sabotage effective communication and escalate conflicts fast. If your pulse quickens, pause. Regulating your tone of voice and resisting counter-arguments helps maintain a healthy balance. You’ll get your turn to speak—just not yet.

7) Think back on how you interpreted what they said.

Ever played telephone? Misinterpretation happens all the time in intimate relationships. Instead of assuming, paraphrase. “So, you feel ignored when I check my phone?” This simple communication technique avoids unnecessary conflict. Clarity fosters a stronger relationship, while guesswork leads to frustration. Honest communication starts with making sure you’re actually on the same page.

8) To further the discussion, ask open-ended questions.

Closed-ended questions kill deeper conversations before they begin. Instead of “Are you okay?” try “What’s been weighing on you?” This encourages meaningful relationships and builds emotional understanding. Conscious relationship coaches swear by this method—it shifts the focus from reacting to building connections. A thoughtful question can turn silence into vulnerability and real conversation.

9) Avoid using the words “never” and “always.”

It’s vital to avoid using terms like “never” and “always” in your speech while you’re posing questions and advancing the subject. Active listening in relationships means focusing on clarity, not blame. “You never empty the garbage when I ask you” or “You always play video games when I need help with the kids” creates defensiveness. Use the X, Y, Z method instead: I experience Z when you act X under circumstance Y.

10) Try to relate instead of arguing.

A conversation is different from a dispute in several ways. When two parties with opposing viewpoints engage in a dispute, each side tries to persuade the other that it is correct. After one party has spoken and presented their case, it is the opposing side’s chance to speak. If you hear phrases like “Yes, but…” or “That’s good, but…”, the discussion is about to become a debate.

11) Imagine yourself in their position.

Nowadays, empathy is greatly undervalued, yet putting yourself in your partner’s shoes will help you see things from their point of view. Try to hear what your partner is saying and consider the situation from their perspective. Consider the situation from their perspective for a moment before responding defensively or preparing your defenses.

12) Listen everything without bias

Each of us has emotional baggage and triggers from past relationships or our upbringing. These are things that we can’t help but bring up in conversation. You can be talking about something that brings back bad memories for you or something you don’t understand. Or you can be discussing an issue that you strongly disagree with. It’s important to accept your partner’s thoughts and set aside your own for the time being in order to listen well.

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13) No one of us can be correct all the time.

Humans have a natural tendency to always want to be correct. In an interview, former CIA undercover operative Amaryllis Fox stated that she had learned two crucial lessons: “Everyone feels they are the good guy.”
and

“Listening to your enemy is the only effective way to disarm them.”

Nobody is always in the right or “the nice guy.” This aids in improving your listening skills.

My Personal Take

I still remember reading about a moment in Dr. Carl Rogers’ work that stuck with me. He once asked a group of couples, “When did you last feel truly heard by your partner?”

Silence. Shifting in seats. A few nervous chuckles.

That hit me.

Because, honestly? I knew I hadn’t always been the best listener.

I once dated someone who used to share his work struggles with me. He’d come home, slump onto the couch, and start venting about his impossible deadlines and micromanaging boss. And me? I’d jump in with solutions. “Why don’t you just set boundaries?” “Have you tried delegating?”

I thought I was helping. But one night, he snapped: “I don’t need you to fix it, Claire. I just need you to listen.”

Ouch.

That was my wake-up call. Active listening in relationships isn’t just about nodding along. It’s about being present—really absorbing what the other person is saying without mentally drafting your next sentence. It’s about making them feel seen.

If you struggle with this (and let’s be real, most of us do), Relationship Hero is the fastest, most effective way to fix it. Their empathetic coaches help you master communication without the overwhelm of traditional therapy.

Because real transformation starts when we finally learn to listen.

Final Thoughts

To me, an integral element of growing with your partner is mastering the art of active listening in relationships. Greater closeness is encouraged, and this strengthens the bond, which can only be a good thing.