Have you ever had a partner accuse you of not listening to them? Or do they lose patience with you because you never get it? Maybe someone has told you that chatting to you is pointless since all you want to do is express your opinions.
If this describes you, you might benefit from some advice on how to better listen to your partner in a relationship.love
We all assume we are good listeners, but it takes considerably more effort than you might think to actually pay attention to someone else. You may be surprised to realize that according to studies, people only retain between 25% and 50% of what they hear.
This indicates that when you speak to someone, they only retain up to 50% of what you say.
So what is happening? Why are we unable to retain the information that is being presented to us?
PS: If you’re curious about the nature of your relationship, check out our article about the different types of relationships and how to deal with them.
Being Receptive (and a Good Listener) in a Relationship
So, let’s look at some theories.
How many of us are already planning our rejoinder while the other person is still speaking? Therefore, how are we supposed to listen to that individual while planning our response to them?

I am aware because I have done it. While a friend is sharing an experience with me, I find myself racking my brain for a like experience to share with her rather than paying close attention to what she is saying.
When I do, I’m so eager to tell her that it makes her experience seem pointless.
Then there is my great partner, who I adore very much. The issue is that, occasionally, when I start talking, all I want to do is complain and moan. But because he cares about me, he will think of solutions because he wants to ease my fears.
At that time, I don’t want him to give me that. All I want is to be heard.
I’ve had to learn to acknowledge the triggers from previous relationships as well. Many years ago, I was in a controlling relationship where I was chastised for my beauty, my wardrobe choices, my financial situation, and even the way I kept the apartment tidy.
Even now, decades later, I still find it very challenging to absorb constructive criticism without defending myself. Right now, I can’t make out what is being said. I reject my partner’s argument instead,
I’m taken back to that destructive relationship, and I react appropriately.
Attempting to listen someone who holds a different opinion is another option. How can you control your emotions long enough to listen to your partner if the topic is very sensitive?

The short answer is that improving your listening skills is difficult. It used to be thought that effective listening was a largely passive ability, one that required you to benevolently accept information so you could digest it.
This is not the situation today. Although active listening is viewed as a “soft skill,” it requires focus, concentration, and practice.
You may believe that trying to become a better listener is all New Age nonsense and that you already know how to listen.
Consider the purposes of communication before you disregard this article.
We communicate a variety of things through speech, including our thoughts, anxieties, dreams, identities, and much more. We can better comprehend our partners if we listen attention to what they are saying. It encourages a healthy growth of the partnership.
What if your partner wasn’t paying attention to you when you had so much to say to them? After some time, wouldn’t the relationship be in trouble?
That is why it is crucial to develop active listening skills.
As a result, we ought to work on improving our listening skills. Here’s how.
How to Listen More Effectively in a Relationship
1) Pay your partner undivided attention.
It’s simpler than it seems. You might be thinking about a gazillion different things at once, such as what to make for dinner, that project you need to do before the weekend, the most recent soap opera plot, etc. But purge all diversion from your thoughts. After all, how would you feel if you needed to express something significant but weren’t given your partner’s undivided attention?
Also, learn why these deep questions to ask your partner are so important.
2) Pay attention to your body language
One of the partners in a relationship with poor communication often complains that they don’t feel heard. Body language is used for a lot of communication.
Therefore, avoid sitting with your arms crossed in front of you. Instead, imitate their nonverbal cues. They will be able to unwind, relax, and speak more freely as a result. This occurs when we unconsciously imitate the behaviors of those we find appealing. As a result, by emulating your partner, you create rapport.
Is it a struggle to convince him to spend time with you?
Understanding males on a much deeper emotional level is the key to finding a solution.
With a few subtle comments you might make to him, you can actually modify the main reason why men react in this way.
Learn how to become his top priority in this free video by Relationship Psychologist James Bauer.
3) Avoid interruptions.
It is completely acceptable to ask questions or request clarification if you don’t understand, but try to avoid interjecting with your personal anecdotes or experiences. Now is the time to pay attention to what your partner is saying, even though you might want to listen your own point in your own words. There will be a day when you can speak and reply, just not now.
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4) Decide on the subject
This may seem quite apparent to you, but when things are heated, insults and heightened emotions can obscure the genuine subject. Have they approached you regarding a relationship issue? Is this something you did? Do they want to talk about something that is positive or bad? Understanding the subject requires getting to the heart of the matter.
5) In what state are they in?
Determine the conversation’s emotional tone now. Do they feel anxious, fearful, sad, angry, or frustrated? What are their opinions and sentiments towards the situation? You will be better able to respond if you are aware of how your partner is feeling. Provide consolation if your partner is unhappy, reassure them if they appear frightened, etc.
6) Remain emotionally composed
At this point, it’s crucial to acknowledge your own emotions, but keep in mind that you are still in the active listening phase of this discussion. At this point, the talk is not about you or how you are feeling right now, so being a good listener means keeping this in mind. You are still in the process of obtaining information. Of course, it will be challenging if the topic is one that evokes strong emotions. But keep in mind that you will have the opportunity to reply.
7) Think back on how you interpreted what they said.
Now is an excellent moment to restate what you believe your partner is saying once they have completed speaking. For instance, “So you’ve mentioned you’re upset, is that right? I don’t make your parents feel welcome when they come over.” Alternatively, you may say, “I realize you’re upset over my ex-boyfriend flirting with you on Facebook.”
8) To further the discussion, ask open-ended questions.
By asking questions, you demonstrate your understanding of their perspective and your want to keep looking into this issue in order to address it. But be sure your inquiries are appropriate. Open-ended inquiries promote continued conversation. Open-ended inquiries include those like, “Tell me about…” Why do you believe that? “How did you arrive at that decision?” What, Why, Who, Where, Describe, Tell Me, etc. are the opening questions.
9) Avoid using the words “never” and “always.”
It’s vital to avoid using terms like “never” and “always” in your speech while you’re posing questions and advancing the subject. You never empty the garbage when I ask you, for instance. Alternatively, “You usually play video games when I need help with the kids.” Use the X, Y, Z method instead: I experience Z when you act X under circumstance Y.
10) Try to relate instead of arguing.
A conversation is different from a dispute in several ways. When two parties with opposing viewpoints engage in a dispute, each side tries to persuade the other that it is correct. After one party has spoken and presented their case, it is the opposing side’s chance to speak. If you hear phrases like “Yes, but…” or “That’s good, but…”, the discussion is about to become a debate.
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11) Imagine yourself in their position.
Nowadays, empathy is greatly undervalued, yet putting yourself in your partner’s shoes will help you see things from their point of view. Try to hear what your partner is saying and consider the situation from their perspective. Consider the situation from their perspective for a moment before responding defensively or preparing your defenses.
12) Listen everything without bias
Each of us has emotional baggage and triggers from past relationships or our upbringing. These are things that we can’t help but bring up in conversation. You can be talking about something that brings back bad memories for you or something you don’t understand. Or you can be discussing an issue that you strongly disagree with. It’s important to accept your partner’s thoughts and set aside your own for the time being in order to listen well.
13) No one of us can be correct all the time.
Humans have a natural tendency to always want to be correct. In an interview, former CIA undercover operative Amaryllis Fox stated that she had learned two crucial lessons: “Everyone feels they are the good guy.”
and
“Listening to your enemy is the only effective way to disarm them.”
Nobody is always in the right or “the nice guy.” This aids in improving your listening skills.
Wanna be a good listener? A couple extra tips you can’t ignore
Listening actively genuinely makes a problem better.
A person feels more at ease when they are being truly listened to. I recall a time when I was having a conversation with a flatmate and he had already spoken what he intended to say. Then he said he didn’t want to talk about the circumstance any more. I thought my temper was about to blow up.
I had never felt so enraged in my life, and it was caused by the fact that I wasn’t being heard. So improving your listening abilities can be beneficial in a variety of relationships.
What do they require from you?
The dialogue’s most significant passage is undoubtedly this one. Women seem to want to chat about their days’ events the most sometimes, and this is often the case. They want someone to listen to them and understand.
They are not requesting advice or your thoughts on the subject. Your role is to simply listen as they let all of their frustrations out. Your partner, on the other hand, might ask for your opinion. Never assume, always inquire.
FAQs
How do you talk and listen to someone in a relationship?
Spend your entire attention on your partner. Adopt a communicative stance with open body language. When your partner is speaking, listen close attention to what they have to say. Do not attempt to jump in mid-sentence. Additionally, refrain from composing your reply while they are speaking. Pay close attention to what they are saying while also observing their emotional state. Then, rephrase what you believe they are attempting to say to them.
What techniques do you use to listen your partner out?
In addition to hearing what is being said, listening also requires observing body language and voice tones. What do they mean when they address you? Is their physique open and at ease, or is it stiff, walled off, and fidgeting? What kind of voice tone do they have? Is it greater than usual? Look for variations between their behavior in normal circumstances and when they are angry or happy.
How frequently should you talk to each other in a relationship?
It depends on a number of variables, such as whether you live together, whether you’re dating across large distances, and how long you’ve been together. In general, couples should speak to one another every day; if they live together, this should happen even more frequently. Regular communication is even more crucial in long-distance relationships.
How do you tell a man what you need?
Men prefer precise directions and direct communication. Presenting an issue to a man is a good technique to get your requirements through because they are problem-solvers. Don’t expect your partner to be proactive or able to read your mind, especially when it comes to home duties. Request that he provide his fair share. If he doesn’t, use “I” instead of “You” when speaking.
For instance, say “I feel annoyed when the house is a mess and I have requested for help” rather than “You don’t clear up when I ask you to.”
What can destroy a marriage?
In addition to the obvious, like infidelity, abuse, or coercive control, poor communication with your partner can end relationships. A cornerstone to effective communication is the ability to listen. Your partner is able to express themselves thanks to this. Therefore, if you do have issues, you can cooperate to find solutions.
Final Thoughts
To me, an integral element of growing with your partner is mastering the art of listening. Greater closeness is encouraged, and this results in a stronger tie, which can only be a good thing.
You think about him all the time, but he thinks only about himself?
It doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you.
He needs to be understood in his own way.
You’ll find there’s a subtle thing you can say to him that will dramatically change how he shows his emotions towards you once you do that.
Learn how to become his top priority in this free video by Relationship Psychologist James Bauer.
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