Self-love enables you to achieve a higher level of security and happiness. But what exactly does it mean?
We hunt for love outside of ourselves since that is how we found security and love as children. We were rewarded for our good deeds.
The truth is that the love you seek can only come from within.
But we never got over it; we kept looking for love in other people. As a result, no amount of affection from another person can satisfy you completely, and you will never feel safe if you lack confidence in your abilities.
But how can you appreciate yourself and feel more confident?
We focus on loving ourselves so that we can overcome our limiting beliefs and live a genuinely shining life.
Self-love is the answer to everything. Self-love allows you to be good to yourself and, as a result, become a better human being.
This handbook will love you everything you need to know about loving yourself. What should I do? What you should not do. And, most importantly, how to believe in yourself when the rest of the world tells you otherwise.
Let’s get started…
If you’re fascinated by self-improvement and personal growth, check out our article on self-development’s key principles.
1) You are the most significant individual in the universe.
If you only remember one thing from this year, make it this: You are the most important person in the entire universe.
Your entire existence is experienced via your eyes. Your interactions with the world and those around you, your ideas and interpretations of events, relationships, actions, and words.
In the big scheme of things, you are just another individual, but when it comes to your perception of reality, you are the only thing that matters.
As a result, your reality is determined by how much you love and care for yourself.
The greatest defining aspect in establishing the kind of life you live is your relationship with yourself.
The less you love, listen to, and comprehend yourself, the more perplexing, furious, and irritating your world will be.
But as you begin and continue to love yourself more, everything you see, everything you do, and everyone you deal with begins to improve in every manner possible.
You may like: 13 must-read self-love books of all times we highly recommend
2) Self-love begins with your daily practices.
Consider the persons in your life whom you love and admire. How do you handle them?
You are patient with their ideas and opinions, and you forgive them when they make a mistake.
You offer them space, time, and opportunity; you make sure they have enough room to flourish because you love them enough to believe in their potential.
Consider how you treat yourself.
Do you love and respect yourself as you would your closest friends or significant other?
Do you take care of your body, mind, and necessities?
Here are all of the ways you may express your body and mind self-love in your daily life:
- Adequate sleep
- Eating well
- Allowing yourself time and space to explore your spirituality
- Regular exercise
- Expressing gratitude to yourself and people around you
- Playing when needed
- Staying away from vices and destructive influences
- Pondering and contemplating
How many of these daily activities do you indulge in? And if you don’t, how can you claim to sincerely love yourself?
Loving oneself is more than simply a state of mind; it is also a set of acts and habits that you incorporate into your daily routine.
3) Embrace the pain.
Nobody is flawless. Some of us conflate self-love with unending enthusiasm and optimism.
There are individuals who go about their days shouting God’s praises no matter how miserable they feel or how bad their situation is.
And we believe that this is the correct course of action; after all, shouldn’t positive vibes just attract more happy vibes?
But the truth is that your unending optimism is a massive deception. You’re deceiving a part of yourself by ignoring the needs of half of yourself.
We all have a dark side; we all harbor misery, wrath, and pain. Ignoring these realities consumes us and forces us to cave spiritually and psychologically.
Allow yourself to be completely honest with yourself.
Forgive yourself for past actions that you are ashamed of.
Accept that you are a carrier of negative emotions such as disdain, wrath, and envy at times. And learn to appreciate silence when it is required.
4) Open your closed heart.
Step 3 involves acknowledging and embracing the pain, whereas Step 4 involves reconciling with a cold and closed heart.
Ask yourself one question: do you completely love yourself?
Accepting your defects and faults is one thing, but loving someone who has your thoughts, emotions, vices, and mistakes? That is a far higher level of self-esteem.
Learn about your life narrative. Trace your development from childhood to the person you are today.
Understand yourself as deeply as possible, and discover the source of every unpleasant emotion, every shameful act, every word and deed you now regret.
When coping with self-love challenges, it’s natural to grow dissatisfied and even helpless. You could even be tempted to throw down the towel and abandon love entirely (with others and within yourself).
I’d like to propose a new approach.
Michael Singer, author of The Untethered Soul, taught me this.
“When you start to close, just question if you’re really willing to give up your happiness. You should examine what it is inside of you that believes there’s some benefit to closing. The slightest thing happens to you, and you give away your happiness. You were having a great day until someone cut you off on your way to work. It got you really upset and you stayed that way the rest of the day. Why? Dare to ask yourself that question. What good came from letting it ruin your day? There was no benefit.”
Here’s a link to further information about opening your heart.
5) Don’t believe what you’re thinking.
Because most of us are naturally pessimistic, loving yourself is challenging.
After all, we need concerns and worries to defend ourselves.
However, this survival mechanism can act against us, which is why you are currently experiencing self-doubt and self-criticism.
So, what are your options?
What you need to understand is that, while your thoughts cannot be changed, you may cease believing them:
This, according to spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle, entails mastering the art of learning not to identify with your ideas.
“What a relief to learn that the “voice in my head” does not represent who I am. So, who am I? “The one who notices that.”
6) Share yourself to the world
You will uncover realities about yourself that will frighten and stun you as you travel along this path of self-discovery.
However, the idea is to work your way through them so that you can learn to love yourself more through understanding and acceptance.
Only when you’ve pushed through your own personal stumbling blocks will you be able to glimpse the gems in the rough: your gifts.
These are the aspects of yourself that will last the journey. Empathy, spirituality, comedy, and love: everything you’ve cleaned up after wiping away everything else.
And only when you love yourself and the traits that make you unique can you properly share yourself with the rest of the world.
Give the world and those around you your authentic self. Now that you love yourself, it’s time to start assisting others in discovering their own ultimate form of self-love.
7) What are you grateful for?
Gratitude is a strong attitude that can change your outlook for the better.
According to Psychology Today, psychologically robust people choose appreciation over self-pity.
But I have a question:
In the first place, how do you cultivate gratitude?
Keeping a gratitude journal, according to Unstuck, is one of the simplest ways to cultivate gratitude.
Every morning, write down a few things you’re thankful for in your life. Get into the habit of doing so, and you’ll find yourself becoming more grateful by the day.
8) Develop your resilience.
Loving oneself isn’t a straight line. There will be times when you can only see the negatives. When loving yourself appears to be impossible.
But there is one thing you must do to overcome these fleeting emotions before they become permanent:
Resilience.
Your best friend will be resilience. It will be the voice that pushes you to get back up whenever you are feeling down. It will be what gets you through the most difficult situations, so you can look back and say, “I made it, I survived.”
I know this because, until recently, I struggled to love myself after a particularly bad relationship and getting fired from my job. I felt like a useless failure who could never get anything right. My self-assurance? That was a long time ago.
That is, until I saw the free video from life coaches Jon and Missy Butcher.
Jon and Missy have discovered a unique secret to developing a resilient attitude via years of experience as life coaches, employing an approach so simple you’ll curse yourself for not trying it sooner.
What’s more, the best part?
Unlike many other life coaches, Jon and Missy’s focus is on putting you in control of your life.
Watch their free video to discover the secret to perseverance.
9) You will be pulled down by people as you progress.
What happens when you start to improve?
Friends, colleagues, and sometimes even family members may begin to criticize you.
Why?
Because that is the natural order of events. They’ve put you in a box, and when you start to change, it messes with their heads.
So you’ll have to muster some confidence and reject criticism from others.
All that should actually matter is that you’re becoming more confident and joyful…
10) Get out there and get some exercise.
You may not like hearing this, but it could be one of the most effective things you can do.
You will not only become healthier, but you will also feel better about yourself.
According to Dr. Shawna Charles, PhD, a clinical psychologist at Walden University, there is usually an immediate mood-boosting effect approximately five minutes after you begin working out.
Exercise, when done consistently, can help minimize long-term symptoms of despair and anxiety, allowing you to maintain a healthy sense of self-confidence.
“Epidemiological evidence suggests that active persons are less depressed than inactive people.” And persons who were active but stopped are more depressed than those who stay or begin an exercise regimen,”
says Dr. Blumenthal, Duke University’s clinical psychologist .
So, whether it’s weight lifting or cardio activity, get out there and do it! You’ll soon begin to feel better about yourself.
11) With whom do you surround yourself?
This is a vital part of loving yourself that is frequently overlooked.
We are all influenced by the people we spend the most of our time with.
Consider this Jim Rohn quote:
You are the average of the 5 individuals with whom you spend the most time.
Isn’t that correct?
So, if you believe that some of your friends are toxic and have a history of putting you down, you should seek out new pals. People you respect and admire.
If your pals are upbeat and encouraging, you will begin to feel better about yourself.
12) Don’t judge your emotions, just accept them.
When we are confronted with an unpleasant emotion, such as grief, fear, or rage, our first instinct is to ignore, reject, or push it away.
When we disregard our feelings, though, we may actually make matters worse. Emotions provide us with valuable information about our life.
Acceptance is a much superior strategy that may benefit your emotional wellness. This entails allowing your emotions to be without adversely evaluating or attempting to modify them.
It’s realizing you don’t have to “control” your emotions. They are powerless to harm you.
In reality, actions like drinking wine or eating cake to get rid of negative feelings can cause more harm than good.
Finally, if you can accept yourself and all of your emotions, you’ll be able to love yourself more readily.
13) Get rid of these 5 harmful beliefs.
Your beliefs impact your outlook on life. However, if your views are incorrect, they may have a detrimental impact on you.
Here are some prevalent harmful thoughts that might ruin our lives:
1) The present foreshadows the future
This is lousy judgment and a self-fulfilling prophecy. The truth is that the only constant in the universe is change. Nothing is still fixed. So, when things aren’t going well, remember that things have to change eventually.
2) Being vulnerable is risky.
Nobody appreciates feeling uneasy. However, growth can only be made when you move outside of your comfort zone.
Accept who you are and what you are feeling. You might discover that it leads to insights you never imagined were possible.
3) Being alone is an issue.
How can you love yourself if you can’t be comfortable spending time with yourself?
This is a dangerous belief because the only person on whom we can rely in life is ourselves.
Happiness, according to Buddhism, can only come from inside, therefore stop looking for external sources to make you happy.
4) It is beneficial to fit in.
We’re taught that if we want to be happy, we need to fit in. The problem is that you don’t accept the fact that you are unique.
Instead, you try to fit into the restrictive box that society has built for you in order to be ‘normal.’
Accept yourself for who you are. The happiest people are those who are true to themselves.
5) Each person’s actions toward you are personal.
Some of us believe that anything that happens to us is a direct attack on us. However, if we begin to see the world in this way, it can rapidly become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The truth is that neither the world nor other individuals are trying to get you. What others think of you reveals more about them than it does about you.
We all have a lens through which we view the world; choose one that is positive and hopeful. Your mind will be grateful.
14) Follow through on your promises.
Take action when you say you’ll take action if you want to be proud of yourself and who you are.
How do you feel when someone promises to do something and then doesn’t? They are losing credibility.
So establish your personal credibility. Live your life with integrity.
Every time you take action and accomplish something, you boost your self-esteem.
15) Make a list of your emotions + 15 prompts for you to use.
Journaling is one of the most effective techniques to get to know yourself intimately.
It gives you a private space to express all of your thoughts and feelings in a way that allows you to make sense of them.
Writing is not only therapeutic, but it also provides an excellent opportunity to confront yourself with difficult questions in order to wrap your mind around the issues that are hurting you.
You’ll be able to love yourself and live a better life if you can dominate your thoughts through writing.
Here are 15 journaling prompts to get you started.
Choose a new prompt to focus on in your journal each day. Try to write as much as you possibly can about each prompt.
Allow your mind to wander and simply write.
1) What are your three favorite personality traits about yourself?
2) What would your body say if it had the ability to communicate?
3) What is the most flattering compliment you’ve ever received? What makes it true?
4) What are your top five strengths?
5) I’m happiest when I’m
6) Between great, good, fine, and awful, my mental health is __I believe this is because __
7) Between great, good, fine, and poor, my physical health is __I believe this is because __
8) What is the one person you are most loved by? Describe them and why you like them.
9) Write down 20 things that make you happy.
10) What are the top ten things you can do to start taking better care of yourself?
11) What are some of the most common negative things you tell yourself? What else can you say?
12) What characteristics distinguish you?
13) Describe your favorite aspects of your appearance.
14) Where do you feel the most protected and loved?
15) What would you tell yourself if you could go back in time to when you were 15?
Another journaling approach I like to utilize is to write about what’s going on in my life and what my goals are.
This helps my thoughts focus on what I want to accomplish and what I truly need to concentrate on.
Furthermore, by taking a step back and meditating on my life, I can rationally understand how pointless all of my minor concerns are. Only the larger things, like family and my overarching mission, are important.
16) Do what you love.
If you find that your life isn’t bringing you joy, it’s time to take a long, hard look at what you’re doing with your time.
You should not postpone till tomorrow what you could do today. It’s critical that you know what you like since it’s amusing to hear about people who do things they don’t want to do.
“I would never do that,” we all say, yet here we are, doing things we don’t want to do all the time.
So make a list of activities that bring you delight. Make a plan to complete them each week.
17) Approach things differently.
If what you’re doing isn’t working for you and you’re having trouble letting go of the past, try doing things in a different way than you normally do them.
We’ve all met people who repeatedly do the same thing and expect different outcomes.
Be not one of them folks.
Try new things on purpose and see how it feels.
When you try on different methods of doing things, you not only learn about yourself, but you also learn what you enjoy, what you don’t like, and who you truly are on the inside.
Nothing is more telling than fear, and if you put yourself in enough situations where you will feel fear on a daily basis, you will discover that you were able to construct a new existence for yourself simply by doing things…differently.
Here are ten suggestions for doing things differently:
1) Try a new exercise routine.
2) Brush your teeth with the other hand.
3) Get more sleep than you normally would.
4) Take an alternate route to work.
5) Reconnect with friends you haven’t seen in a long time.
6) Spend more time outside.
7) Make an extra effort to help others than you normally would.
8) Increase your smile practice.
9) Plan a trip…to a place you’ve never been before.
10) If you haven’t already, begin meditating.
18) Be fair to yourself while remaining firm.
When it comes to loving yourself all the way to a better life, you must be mindful not to let yourself down when things get rough.
Look, we understand. When things seem to be getting difficult, it’s easy to give up, but those are the times when you develop and grow the most.
So, if you’re attempting to love yourself into a new position, new life, or new relationship, you must be firm yet fair to yourself.
When things get too much – and you’re not just trying to get away from the difficult stuff – it’s okay to alter course.
At every turn, ask yourself, “Is this going to make me a better version of myself?” Proceed if the answer is yes.
19) Use this strategy to get to know oneself.
It’s a difficult situation to be in when you don’t like yourself or your life, but it’s one worth escaping.
Working on getting to know yourself puts you in command.
When you don’t know anything about yourself or refuse to face your demons, you wind up losing control, and that’s when things don’t feel as good as they may be.
Take back control and learn to love yourself into a better life by looking inner rather than outward to make things better for yourself.
“VITALS”, as PsychologyToday explains, is the finest approach to get to know oneself. This is an abbreviation for the six components of self.
Here are the letters’ meanings and how to uncover them in yourself:
V (stands for Values).
What are your core beliefs? This can include “helping others,” “wellness,” or “creativity.” Consider it and write down 10 important values that define you.
I (stands for Interests)
To determine your interests, consider the following: What do you pay attention to? What are your main concerns? What piques your interest the most?
T (stands for Temperament)
To determine your temperament, answer the following questions: Do you recharge your batteries by being alone or with others? Do you prefer to plan ahead of time or be spontaneous? Do you base your decisions on facts or emotions? Do you like huge ideas or small details?
A (stands for Around-the-Clock Activities)
What are your favorite times to do things? Do you prefer the morning or the evening? When do you feel the most energized?
L (stands for Life Mission and Meaningful Objectives)
What is your life’s purpose? What have been the most important events in your life? What is your primary motivator for getting out of bed in the morning?
S (stands for Strengths)
What are your best qualities? Skills? Talents? What are your strongest character traits?
20) Recognize what makes you unique.
On your journey to discovering who you truly are in the world, it is critical that you identify and celebrate what makes you, you.
What distinguishes you from everyone else on the planet?
It might be difficult to tell at times, especially because we are frequently so critical of ourselves in comparison to others.
Instead of being burdened by your differences, embrace them and place them at the forefront of your self-discovery.
Allowing yourself to be satisfied with who you are will make you happier in all aspects of your life.
List 10 attributes about yourself that you are proud of as a practical exercise for determining your distinct characteristics.
This could be due to your generosity, loyalty, or the fact that you are an expert knitter!
Bear in mind:
Before you can work on your future self, you must first reconcile who you are today.
It’s easy to dismiss the positive things you think about yourself and allow negative thoughts to take over.
Understanding your positive characteristics and what makes you special will help you overcome negativity and appreciate yourself.
And, in order to find yourself, you must embrace who you are right now.
Change, in whatever form it takes for you, will come from a place of understanding and love.
Here’s a lovely passage from Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu about the power of self-acceptance:
Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.
Our outer world reflects our inner world.
If you change your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs, your life will change as well!
21) Concentrate on others
This is possibly the most important guideline for liking oneself. When it comes to love, it appears counter-intuitive to focus on other people.
However, diverting your emphasis away from your personal troubles and toward helping others will help you feel better about yourself.
Isn’t it easier to love someone who helps others?
Mahatma Gandhi expresses it best when he says:
The best way to discover oneself is to love yourself while serving others.
When you are preoccupied with yourself and your concerns, it is easy to lose perspective. You have a tendency to exaggerate things and become neurotic.
I know since I’m naturally this way. However, focusing on others rather than myself minimizes my natural self-critical voice.
You realize you aren’t at the center of the universe. There is a wonderful world out there for you to discover and enjoy.
You’re missing out if you’re too focused on yourself.
This self-love approach is simple to apply. All you have to do is realize when you’re focusing too much on yourself and shift your attention to other people. Consider things from their point of view. When you’re talking with someone, consider what they’re saying from their point of view.
This article from the Mental Health Foundation discusses how assisting others with difficult situations improves our own emotion control skills, so benefiting our own emotional health.
An most importantly (to love yourself more)
It’s time to venture out of your comfort zone…
I’m sure you’ve heard that you can’t make progress if you stay in your comfort zone.
And, as irritating as that is, it is true.
If you’re fighting to love yourself, I’m guessing you’re also staying in your comfort zone.
But you don’t have to do anything terrifying to step out of your comfort zone. You can progress by taking small measures to enlarge it.
So, how can you get out of your comfort zone? First, develop a list of activities that make you nervous.
Remember that it does not have to be something major. It doesn’t have to be big, as long as it’s something new and makes you nervous.
Then set about doing those chores. Once you’ve overcome them, you’ll begin to believe in yourself and your abilities.
Conclusion
Loving oneself is essential for your mental health and ability to achieve your goals.
The good news is that we are all capable of believing in ourselves and living our greatest lives.
The trick is to discover your true passion, your purpose, and to appreciate what you have right now rather than wishing for things to be different.
When you’re grateful for what you have, you’ll be able to accept who you are and what you’re feeling, which is a necessary condition for fully loving yourself.
