The problem with turning down married men sometimes is that they can be a little hard to deal with.
In my experience, I had trouble turning down a married man a few months ago, since he didn’t seem to understand.
It turned out I knew exactly what I needed to do in that situation after learning more about it, and I can’t keep it a secret any longer!
Here’s how to properly tell a married man “no” – and make sure he actually gets what you’re saying.
Note: If you wish to learn more about the art of dating, be sure to also check out the article we dedicated to unconventional dating advice for women and the 12 golden tips you wish you’d known earlier.
Saying no to a married man: How did I get into that situation?
Okay, I think you’re curious, so let me address a few questions quickly: how did I wind up in that situation?
I was out enjoying a couple beers at a bar when a man approached me and we hit it off.
I realized far too late that he was wearing a wedding band!
And, no, it wasn’t a “maybe it’s a normal ring” ring; it was a full-fledged initials-carved-into-it ring!
This ring seemed like it was hitting me in the face, and it wasn’t anything I could manage.
I began to consider how to get out of that circumstance, but there were no obvious solutions.
So I simply tried to keep my calm and see what happened.
When I asked him about his wife, he didn’t respond clearly.
I had already given him my phone number at that time, so even if I told him I was going home, he couldn’t stop texting me.
Now, how did I manage to say no to him?
In the same way, you can refuse any married man.
When a married man makes a pass on you, whether it is a colleague, a family member, one of your mates, or anyone else, you can turn him down with these three tricks:
1) State your intentions clearly.
Even if he is married, he must be aware of your intentions, no matter how subtle or evident they are.
As a married man, he may be drawn to your playful and pleasant personality, but he may also be attempting to read between the lines to see whether you want to be more than friends.
When he realizes you don’t want to go any further than friendship and stop his advances, he will finally back off.
You don’t have to go out of your way to hurt him, but he needs to know where you stand and how far you’re ready to go in the relationship.
This will not only keep you secure, but it will also prevent him from following you after the essential chat.
Trust me, if you instantly state your plans, whether he’s a buddy, a stranger at the bar, or anyone else, he’ll recognize that you’re not just having an affair, but that you’re not going to be with him.
2) Establish limits
Make certain that you establish boundaries with this married man.
You don’t need to go into specifics about your boundaries, but just enough for him to understand where you stand in this situation.
That way, he’ll realize you’re not here to play games and that the relationship must remain professional, especially if you know him from work.
This will establish the tone and communicate to him that you are not interested in being his side chick.
Boundaries might be as simple as telling him that you will not tolerate him flirting with you or touching you in any way.
Alternatively, your boundaries could be that you will not accept him as a friend with benefits.
You can even create limits, such as allowing him to be friends with you but no more.
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3) Remain firm and true to your words.
This is an important aspect of the dialogue, and you must be tough and stick to your words.
There is no need to be nasty or confrontational, but you must communicate yourself and ensure that he understands.
You’re not going to be friends with the benefits, or his mistress, or whatever you want to call her.
You’ll just be pals.
That’s all. There was no invitation to deeper degrees of relationship. There is nothing else.
He may become offended, but it is critical that you stick to your guns and do not modify your mind.
You may not know why he is married or how long he has been married, but he has chosen to be married, and that is his choice, so you must accept that and keep the friendship strictly amicable.
You know, if a married man can’t keep his vows and commitments to his wife, it’s certainly his fault, but that doesn’t mean you can’t keep your own principles and ideals.
I’m not sure about you, but I prefer to be someone who respects other people’s relationships and decisions.
I don’t want to be a part of a man’s life who is cheating on his wife, so I will not become involved.
There is no need for drama or any other type of conflict between you two.
4) Avoid being overly friendly.
You don’t want to be known as the girl who is always trying to cheer him up.
Sometimes you just have to be direct and honest. You don’t have to be the girl who makes everything about him and attempts to cheer him up when he’s unhappy.
You can be pleasant without being overly so.
Make an effort to be a buddy to whom he can turn when he needs someone to talk, but don’t become too involved in his affairs or be overly anxious to make him feel better.
He will begin to suspect that you are overly concerned, which may lead him to misinterpret your relationship with him.
Believe me, many men confuse being kind with flirting, so keep things cool between the two of you.
5) Be direct and truthful.
It is sometimes necessary to be upfront and honest, and this is acceptable.
You don’t have to go into great detail and risk sounding foolish. Sometimes a simple sentence is all that is required. “I don’t want to be anything more than pals.”
“I’m not looking for a relationship outside of this office.”
“I’m not interested in dating you.”
“I don’t want to be involved in an affair,” and so on.
You don’t have to get too sophisticated; just be honest and straightforward.
Believe me when I say that being direct and honest is frequently the only way to get a man to understand that you don’t want to be with him.
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6) Request contact information for his wife.
If you really want to push things, you can ask for his wife’s contact information.
This will demonstrate to him that you genuinely care about his marriage and want to be able to fully support it.
It will also demonstrate to him that you are willing to tell his wife anything if he makes a move on you.
This is the most effective approach to demonstrate to him that you are no longer interested in being friends and that you are serious about your ambitions.
I can assure you that if he discovers that you are intending to contact his wife, he will leave you alone.
7) Switch on a different subject
Changing the subject is sometimes the greatest way to end a conversation.
You don’t have to enter into a heated debate or start a pointless chat only to dodge the subject.
Simply change the subject and proceed. It is sometimes the best option.
If you continuously changing the subject anytime he tries to flirt, he’ll get the idea, believe me!
8) Express your disdain towards cheaters.
If you are a strong woman, you will have strong feelings about cheating, and telling him how much you loathe cheaters is the greatest way to turn him down.
He may attempt to justify his acts, but he deserves to know that you loathe him and that he has no place in your life.
At the end of the day, you are not in his shoes and cannot know how he feels, but you can express your thoughts and let him know how you feel about his behavior.
You can simply walk away from the conversation with your head held high if he ends up apologizing for his conduct.
There is no better way to turn down a married man than to remind him how unappealing his treachery is to you.
He will not only not receive what he wants, but he will also feel horrible about his behavior.
9) Discuss your own partner (or make one up)
Sometimes telling a married man you have a partner is the greatest way to turn him down.
The fact is, you already have a partner, and this man has no chance in hell of getting into a relationship with you.
When he inquires about your partner, simply inform him that you have one and that he is your entire world. You can even make up your own partner.
You might make up a partner and tell him that your partner is there for you and loves you a lot.
I know it’s a tried-and-true tactic, but it works!
Finally: Simply say no and uphold your morals.
At the end of the day, it is all up to you.
You do not want to date married men, nor do you want to date cheats.
You don’t want to ruin someone’s marriage or be someone’s side girl.
Simply said, you have morals and wish to uphold them.
That is the most effective approach to reject a married man.
He might fight. He might try to persuade you.
Also, he can try to guilt trip you or persuade you into dating him.
But, at the end of the day, you must adhere to your morals and values and be certain that you made the correct decision.
The point is, he can’t make you do anything, so if you stick to your morals, you’ll come out on top.
Nothing horrible can happen if you say no!
In the best-case scenario, you will even remind him that he has morals to uphold and beliefs to follow.
Conclusion
I know it can be difficult at first to turn down a married man who wants to be with you, but don’t be afraid of it!
When I was in your situation, I used these ideas and it was really easy to say no.
Of course, while you do this, you should always feel protected and good.
What if a relationship coach could help you?
Talking to a relationship coach can be very helpful if you are looking for specific advice regarding your situation.
This is something I have personally experienced…
When I was going through a tough patch in my relationship, I reached out to Relationship Hero. The insights they gave me into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track were invaluable for me after being lost in my thoughts for so long.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a website where highly trained relationship coaches guide people through difficult times in their love lives.
You can receive tailor-made advice for your specific situation within minutes by connecting with a certified relationship coach.
Despite being new to coaching, I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and helpful my coach was.
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