I was at a psychology seminar in Montreal when a relationship expert dropped a line that made the whole room shift in their seats: “Some people experience the deepest love of their lives—without ever feeling physical attraction to their partner.”
I couldn’t shake it. Can love without physical attraction truly work, or is it just a slow descent into emotional frustration? Is chemistry overrated, or is it the secret ingredient that keeps love alive?
I’m Claire Delli Santi, and today, we’re unpacking this tricky dynamic. Some call it real love, others call it settling. And I have a story that might just change how you see relationships forever.
And if this whole love vs. attraction thing has you questioning what kind of relationship actually works, you’ll want to read this.
Key Nuggets
- Love can exist without physical attraction, but for some, passion is non-negotiable. What happens when one craves more? Find out here.
- Some relationships thrive without sexual attraction, but can they truly last? The answer depends on one crucial factor. See what it is.
- When love lacks physical chemistry, it’s often called a companionship-based relationship—but is that enough for long-term happiness? Discover the truth.
- Romantic attraction without sexual desire is real, but does it create a fulfilling relationship—or just emotional frustration? Unpack the dilemma.
Falling In Love Without Attraction, Is It Possible?
1. When Attraction Fades: A Natural Shift or a Red Flag?
For many couples, physical attraction doesn’t disappear overnight—it slowly erodes over time. Some start with intense sexual desire, only to realize years later that the physical chemistry has dulled. Long-term partners, especially in monogamous relationships, often admit that their sexual relationship has become more of a routine—or nonexistent.
So, is this just a normal shift, or is it a sign of deeper issues? Relationship studies show that while some couples transition into a stable connection built on emotional intimacy, others struggle with feelings of disconnection. Sex therapy can help rekindle lost passion, but for some, the lack of attraction becomes impossible to ignore.
2. The “Love is Blind” Effect: Can You Fall Without the Spark?
When love lacks physical chemistry, it’s often called a companionship-based relationship. But is that truly enough? Some people experience romantic attraction through intellectual connection or emotional intimacy, where passion takes a backseat. This is common in asexual people or those who build relationships on shared values rather than immediate physical chemistry. But does this kind of love bring lasting fulfillment?
For asexual people, this isn’t unusual. They value emotional bonds and intellectual attraction over physical attraction signs. But even for those who typically crave intense attraction, feelings can shift. Someone who doesn’t fit your usual type can suddenly become magnetic when you connect on a non-physical level. Attraction time isn’t always instant—it can build in unexpected ways.
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3. Love Without Physical Attraction: A Dream or a Dilemma?
Some relationships thrive without sexual attraction, but can they truly stand the test of time? For some, a strong emotional bond is enough to sustain a committed relationship, while for others, the lack of attraction leads to growing tension. When one partner feels a strong desire and the other doesn’t, it can create deeper issues that many couples never fully resolve.
But here’s where things get tricky—when one partner feels a strong desire while the other doesn’t. Couples therapy often reveals that these differences in attractiveness preferences can lead to deep resentment. Some partners try to compensate with amazing emotional chemistry, while others struggle with feeling trapped in a situation that doesn’t meet their needs.
4. Can a Relationship Survive Without Passion?
Some relationships can survive without physical attraction, but can they truly last? Love alone isn’t always enough. While deep emotional connection keeps many couples together, others struggle when sexual intimacy fades. Some feel content with a stable connection, while others quietly wonder if something’s missing.
Even couples who start off purely as friends often struggle when attraction stronger never develops. And for those who once had it but lost it, rekindling the spark isn’t always easy. Passion isn’t just about sexual attraction—it’s about making the effort to keep things exciting. Some turn to brain-based dating coaching, while others accept that their current relationship might not be what they truly need.
So, can you love someone without physical attraction? The truth is, love takes many forms—but whether it can last without desire is something only you can answer.
My Personal Take
Romantic attraction without sexual desire is real, but does it create a fulfilling relationship—or just emotional frustration? At the seminar in Montreal, I met someone living this reality.
She loved her husband deeply but had never felt a physical attraction toward him—not even in the beginning. Now, 15 years and two kids later, she admitted something that made the room go silent: “Some days, I wonder if I settled.”
She was in her early forties, stylish, confident. She wasn’t bitter. She wasn’t sad. She was just… honest.
She and her husband had been together for nearly 15 years. They had two kids, a mortgage, and a solid friendship. But here’s the twist: She had never felt that spark for him—not even in the beginning. They were introduced by friends, got along incredibly well, and after years of dating guys who were all heat and no substance, she figured, Why not go for stability?
But then she admitted something that made the room go quiet. “Some days, I wonder if I settled. Some days, I feel like I’m missing something huge.”
And that’s where it gets real. Can you love someone deeply—without that gut-punch of physical attraction? Or does the absence of chemistry quietly chip away at what could’ve been something extraordinary?
I’ve seen both sides of this. And honestly? There’s no one answer. But what I do know is this: If you’re questioning your relationship, you don’t have to figure it out alone. The fastest, most effective way to get clarity—without the time or financial commitment of traditional therapy—is online coaching.
I always recommend Relationship Hero—their coaches are insanely empathetic, no-BS, and actually help people break through the mental loops that keep them stuck. If you want real transformation—without the overwhelm—this is the best resource I’ve found.
And if you’re in a love story like the one I heard that day, ask yourself: Is this enough for me? Because the answer to that? It’s the only one that really matters.
The Bottom Line: Can You Love Someone You Don’t Find Physically Attractive?
Despite the fact that it is possible to love someone without having a physical attraction for them, the likelihood of this happening depends on the persons involved.
Unfortunately, if you are asking yourself, can I fall in love with someone without a physical attraction, the reality is that you need sex in a relationship for the relationship to work or to keep you interested.
The situation is not unusual. Relationships are often driven by sex and desire, and people tend to be sexually charged beings. While this level of libido can fluctuate from person to person, and can dramatically change over time, for the most part we are all wired to enjoy sex and be attracted to our partners sexually.
Although, as stated, this requirement is small and easy to forget about for some, this is not the case for all. In other words, they need a connection that is based more on a meeting of minds and intellectual stimulation that will keep them engaged.
Final Words
Whether or not you can have a fulfilling relationship without the spark or sexual fission will really depend on who you are. Some people may be able to cope without any physical chemistry between them and their partner, but it may be absolutely necessary for you. The reason for this is both understandable and normal – some people get a spark by being intellectually on the same level, while others need to be touched physically. In fact, some argue that both are necessary to the success of a partnership.
Have you ever been in a relationship that didn’t depend on physical chemistry? Have you fallen in love with someone with whom you had no physical attraction? Share your story with our readers below. You could also share this article with somebody who is currently going through some emotional turmoil – trying to decide whether they have fallen for someone with whom they are not attracted.
