Loving the wrong person doesn’t always show up in flashing neon signs, does it? Sometimes it’s the subtle stuff—like not recognizing that gut feeling you’ve been trying to ignore. I remember hearing about a woman at a seminar, one who kept wondering if her partner was “the one,” yet constantly felt uncertain about their future.
It wasn’t until a relationship coach pointed out something so simple, yet so revealing, that she realized she was clinging to the wrong person.
I’ll share my take on her story soon, but first, let’s explore the signs that tell you when you’re in the wrong relationship.
I’m Claire Delli Santi, and I’m here to guide you through this.
And, if you’re feeling unsure about your relationship, check out my article on the different types of relationships and how they work.
Key Nuggets
- We mistake comfort for love. Familiarity can trick you into believing someone is “the one” even when deep down, doubts linger. See why here.
- Detach by facing the hard truth. If your future feels brighter without them, it’s time to let go. Find clarity here.
- Loving the wrong person isn’t failure. It’s a lesson, not a life sentence. Self-forgiveness is part of growth. Read more here.
- Love and compatibility aren’t the same. Passion can blind you to deeper misalignment—until reality hits hard.
7 Ways To Know You’re In Love With The Wrong Person
When you are with the wrong person, it can be hard to recognize it and you may wonder what to watch out for.
A variety of reasons can cause relationships to fail, but it could also be that you are entering relationships with people you are not compatible with.
There are some signs to look out for that can help you identify if you have fallen in love with the wrong person.
1. It’s hard for you to be yourself around them.
If you find yourself acting differently than normal around your partner, then you may be with the wrong person.
It may be that you are afraid of being judged or criticized by your partner, but if they are not happy with the person you are then they are probably not right for you.
Being in a relationship means accepting each other for who they are and for whatever faults they may have.
A person who changes who you are can be a warning sign that they aren’t the right person for you.
You should think about what you want your relationship to be like and if you should be with this person if you find that you are constantly watching what you say or do around your partner, or your friends comment on the change.
Do you know the little-known reasons why women in your zodiac sign rarely get the relationship they long for?
2. You forget to consider them when planning your future
The fastest way to stop loving the wrong person is to see them clearly—without the fuzzy feelings blurring reality. If you’re constantly in-between relationships or unsure about your current partner, chances are you’re forcing a future that doesn’t fit. Love should feel expansive, not restrictive—if you hesitate to include them in your plans, it’s time to listen to that.
But if you’re with the wrong person, you might hesitate. The thought of a life-long marriage feels more like a cage than a commitment. You find yourself making plans solo, and deep down, there’s that feeling of hope that life might feel more fulfilling without them.
If the idea of growing old together doesn’t spark at least some excitement, maybe it’s time to rethink if this is your future love story—or just a chapter that needs to close.
You think about him all the time, but he thinks only about himself?
It doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you.
He needs to be understood in his own way.
You’ll find there’s a subtle thing you can say to him that will dramatically change how he shows his emotions towards you once you do that.
Learn how to become his top priority in this free video by Relationship Psychologist James Bauer.
3. It’s hard for you to handle your problems.
You can love someone deeply and still be completely wrong for each other. Exciting feelings fade when attachment issues and communication breakdowns take over. If every problem spirals into chaos, your relationship isn’t built for a healthier marriage, no matter how strong the pull.
A bad partner will turn even small disagreements into full-blown battles, leaving you drained.
I once heard a therapist say, “You’re not just fighting about dishes—you’re fighting about attachment issues, childhood wounds, and unmet expectations.” And it’s true. If every argument feels like an emotional war zone, if problems keep circling back unresolved, you’re not in a healthier marriage—you’re in toxic relationships territory.
Conflict should build understanding, not resentment. If you feel like you’re stuck in an endless loop of intense life experiences filled with miscommunication, it might be time to step back.
4. The Relationship Makes You Feel Bad About Yourself
Loving the wrong person isn’t a mistake—it’s part of navigating adult relationships. But holding onto bad relationships too long can lead to experience in rejection and self-blame. The key is self-forgiveness—understanding that even married people sometimes wake up realizing they chose the wrong time, wrong person.
If you constantly feel like you’re walking on eggshells, second-guessing your worth, or explaining away their honesty issues, that’s a flashing red light.
A devoted partner should be your safe space, not the source of your self-doubt.
I once met someone who stayed in a relationship because of the “exciting feeling” in the beginning—only to realize that beautiful feeling had turned into a feeling of disgust every time they were together. Pay attention to what your body and emotions are telling you. They don’t lie.
5. Your friends and family are worried about you and your relationship
In most cases, your family and friends know you best and can also observe things objectively. When they start showing concern about your relationship, maybe it’s worth opening your mind and listening to them.
It might be a good idea to ask them why they are not sure about your partner, and talk to them about it if there is a reason for this. You can use this to determine what you should do and what is the best thing for your relationship.
Friends and family may also resonate with how you feel about your relationship, so it’s best to stay open-minded.
Is it a struggle to convince him to spend time with you?
Understanding males on a much deeper emotional level is the key to finding a solution.
With a few subtle comments you might make to him, you can actually modify the main reason why men react in this way.
Learn how to become his top priority in this free video by Relationship Psychologist James Bauer.
6. There’s no trust in your relationship.
A healthy relationship is based on trust, and you should be able to trust each other. Normally, you’d talk to your partner about a problem and resolve it. Therefore, instead of accusing your partner when you are uncertain about something, you should resolve the matter.
When you often feel that your partner is lying to you or sneaking around behind your back, this is not a good sign. Furthermore, it doesn’t help if you can’t resolve the issue or talk about it with them.
If this is the case in your relationship, you might want to consider what you want to do about it and if you should remain with this person.
7. Both of you don’t know how to make each other feel loved.
Relationships can sometimes be difficult and you may need to work on certain things to be happy. Getting along in a healthy, happy relationship involves both of you learning how to make the other person feel loved.
If, however, you feel that you just can’t seem to make your partner feel loved, no matter how hard you try, or they can’t do the same for you, there may be a problem.
It may be a sign that you are not right for each other if, even after talking to each other, you still can’t work out how to make each other feel loved.
My Personal Take
Loving the wrong person often happens because our hearts crave familiarity over compatibility. We mistake emotional history, routine, or even a beautiful story for love, ignoring deeper misalignment. It’s easy to convince yourself that the connection is special, even when something feels missing.
I remember a woman at a seminar who talked about her partner, someone she thought was “the one.” But as time went on, she began questioning if they were truly compatible.
She told me how she would wake up excited about her goals, but when she looked at him, something in her gut would twist. It wasn’t anger or resentment—it was a hollow feeling, like she was missing something important.
Here’s the kicker: It wasn’t until a relationship coach pointed out how she was only ever dreaming of a future without him, that the truth hit her.
She realized she was loving the wrong person because she couldn’t envision her future with him—he wasn’t even part of her bigger vision.
And this, my friend, is where Relationship Hero’s online coaching comes in. This platform has amazing coaches who really get it—they help you cut through the noise, dig deep, and uncover what’s holding you back, without the fluff or the overwhelm.
It’s hands down the fastest way to get results—trust me, I’ve seen people change their lives through it.
