Isn’t it funny how people want what they think they can’t have?
Relationships are no exception.
Hi, I’m Claire Delli Santi, and I’m here to unpack the curious art of using reverse psychology to get him to commit—not as a manipulation tool, but as a way to flip the script in your favor.
A friend of mine once unintentionally pulled this off by walking away for real—no games, no theatrics—and what happened next left us both speechless. (More on that later.)
If you’re tired of running in circles and ready to try something refreshingly counterintuitive, let’s turn the tables on commitment together.
Ready to shake things up?
And, if you’re curious about creating irresistible chemistry, check out our guide on making a man chase you—it’s a must-read.
Key Nuggets
- Stop being overly available: Creating space makes him realize your worth.
- Mirror his efforts: Balance investments in the relationship to build mutual respect and commitment.
- Focus on personal growth: Self-confidence is magnetic—be the woman he can’t afford to lose.
- Shift the energy to yourself: Sometimes, stepping back isn’t giving up—it’s letting him feel the void.
Step 1: Choose the Right Man (Not So Obvious)
Before diving into the world of reverse psychology, take a moment to evaluate the man you’re trying to get to commit.
Make sure he is someone who respects you, someone you trust, and someone who truly values the time you spend together.
Look for a man who can balance being both independent and supportive, and someone who can make hours spent together feel like minutes.
Time to Time: Remember that it’s crucial to give your partner time and space throughout the relationship.
As you progress through the steps, always keep in mind that you should give him time to process and adapt to the changes.
You may also like: 10 Proven Steps to Make Him Chase You (And Fatal Mistakes to Avoid)
Step 2: Stop Being Too Compliant
One of the most common mistakes women make when trying to get a man to commit is being too compliant.
By always making time for him and putting your own needs and desires on hold, you inadvertently send the message that you don’t have a life outside of him.
Instead, you should strive to be a strong, independent woman who knows her worth.
Independent Woman: Let your man see that you have a life outside of the relationship, that you enjoy spending time with your friends, and that you have hobbies and interests that don’t revolve around him.
This will make him more attracted to the idea of committing to you.
Step 3: Ensure Equal Investments in the Relationship
A healthy relationship requires both partners to be equally invested. If you find yourself giving too much and not getting anything in return, it’s time to shift the balance.
By mirroring your partner’s investment in the relationship, you can encourage him to step up and commit.
Healthy Relationships: Focus on building a strong foundation for your relation, with mutual respect, trust, and support.
This will make it easier for both partners to fully commit and invest in the relationship.
Step 4: Don’t Be Too Available
Another common mistake is being too available. If you’re always around, your man might not feel the need to commit because he already has everything he needs.
Instead, make an effort to spend time apart and maintain your own schedule.
This will make him realize that he needs to commit if he wants to be a more significant part of your life.
Time with Friends: Make sure to maintain your friendships and social life outside of your relationship.
This will not only make you a more attractive partner but also give you a strong support system to lean on when times get tough.
EDITOR’S NOTE
All You Think About is Him But… He Only Thinks About Himself?
It doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you.
He needs to be understood in his own way.
You’ll find there’s a subtle thing you can say to him that will dramatically change how he shows his emotions towards you once you do that.
Learn how to become his top priority in this free video by Relationship Psychologist James Bauer.
Step 5: Work on Yourself for Yourself
To truly make your man commit, it’s essential to focus on your own personal growth and self-discovery.
Embrace your hobbies, volunteer work, fitness routine, and even improve your professional life.
By being proud of yourself and your accomplishments, you’ll not only attract commitment from your man but also build a healthier, more fulfilling life for yourself.
Strong Woman: Show your man that you’re a strong, capable woman who can take care of herself. This will make him feel more secure in the relationship and more inclined to commit.
You may like: 18 No Bullsh*t Ways to Make a Man Choose You (Over Any Other Woman)
Step 6: Let Go of Your Worries
Constantly worrying about the future and the state of your relationship can be counterproductive.
Instead, focus on enjoying the present moment and the good times you share with your partner.
By giving him space and not pressuring him to commit, you’ll make it more likely that he’ll come to the decision on his own.
Sense of Humor: Remember to maintain a light-hearted and positive attitude throughout the process.
A sense of humor can help keep things in perspective and make the journey more enjoyable for both partners.
Step 7: Give Him the Illusion of Control
When using reverse psychology, it’s important to make your man feel like he’s the one making the decision to commit.
By subtly planting the idea in his mind and giving him the space to come to his own conclusions, you’ll make him more likely to commit without feeling manipulated.
Mind Games: Be cautious when using psychological tricks, as they can backfire if not used correctly.
Always prioritize open and honest communication in your relationship and use reverse psychology as a supplement, not a substitute.
My Personal Take
Let me tell you about my friend—we’ll call her Lily for privacy.
She was caught in one of those frustrating, undefined relationships where every conversation about commitment felt like she was tiptoeing through a minefield.
After months of trying to “make him see her worth,” she finally hit her breaking point.
One night, instead of sending another carefully worded text to nudge him along, she simply stopped.
No ultimatums, no dramatic exit—just a quiet decision to refocus on herself.
Here’s the twist: by stepping back, she unknowingly tapped into reverse psychology to get him to commit.
Within two weeks, the same man who “wasn’t ready” showed up at her doorstep, spilling his heart.
Why? He felt the shift—her absence created a vacuum that made him realize what he stood to lose.
Lily’s story proves that sometimes, the most powerful move is no move at all.
If you’re ready to take control of your love life, I can’t recommend James Bauer’s guide enough.
His famous 12-word text alone is a game-changer.
It’s the perfect tool for results without draining your energy or wallet on endless coaching sessions.
Because, like Lily, you deserve someone who chooses you wholeheartedly.
You may like:
Why He Never Texts You First (But Always Replies): 17 Reasons He’s Waiting for Your First Move
13 Surefire Ways to Get a Man to Marry You Soon (What You Need to Know)