If you want to have more peace of mind in your relationships and lessen feelings of anxiety, insecurity, or jealousy, this article is for you. You might be wondering, “How to Stop Overthinking in a Relationship?”
So, let’s get right into the 9 techniques for how to stop overthinking in a relationship!
If you’re curious about the nature of your relationship, check out our article about the different types of relationships and how to deal with them.
1) Recognize Why You Overthink
The first step toward ending overthinking in your relationship is to figure out why you overthink in the first place. One of the distinguishing characteristics of humans is the ability to contemplate and observe our own thoughts and feelings.
When you notice yourself overthinking, ask yourself any of the following questions:
- What feelings am I experiencing right now?
- What ideas or fears are causing me to feel this way right now?
- How do these sensations feel in my body (tight stomach, quick breathing, etc.)?
The first step is to identify the underlying anxieties and thoughts that cause your habit of overthinking. The three most common reasons for overthinking are listed below.
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You learned to cope by overthinking.
When we are anxious, our bodies naturally create coping mechanisms to counteract the perceived danger.
Being deeply involved in a specific outcome for a relationship but feeling doubtful of a successful outcome can cause overpowering sentiments in the case of relationships.
Overthinking may be a technique for you to gain control and relieve the worry that this uncertain scenario generates.
Ask yourself the following questions to help you discover which anxieties you are now overthinking in order to manage.
- What outcomes do you fear will occur?
- What are you hoping to accomplish?
- How does overthinking assist you in coping?
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Control is at the root of overthinking.
Some methods of thinking and behaving make life easier, while others make life more difficult. The assumption that you have control over some external events is one thought pattern that can cause havoc in your life.
You’d undoubtedly agree that believing you can control the weather is ridiculous. Many people who overthink believe they can control what their partner does (and the outcomes of the relationship) by hyper-analyzing various aspects of the relationship.
Believing we can control events over which we have no real control is a recipe for anxiety. We’d like to acquire a general idea of how to stop overthinking in a relationship. To stop overthinking in relationships, you must first define and accept what is and is not within your locus (or area) of control.
Assume your partner isn’t particularly good at answering the phone or replying to text messages in a timely manner. When they don’t respond after a few hours, you start to worry that they are abandoning you or that they no longer care.
In these instances, it may be useful to take out a piece of paper and write down what you can and cannot control.
You CANNOT force your partner answer faster. You can’t even make them remember to charge their phone in the evenings so it’s not dead when you call.
However, you CAN take control of your emotions and implement new strategies to help you cope more efficiently when you are nervous. And you CAN express your emotions to your partner and ask that they respond more rapidly in the future.
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Overthinking stems from insecurity.
Overthinking in a relationship is often rooted in your past. There was most certainly someone you cared greatly about, but the relationship did not turn out as planned.
You might not have known why your relationship ended, and you might have felt abandoned. You may have had a great deal of grief, loneliness, or pain as a result of this person’s death.
You may become overwhelmed by the prospect of the relationship abruptly ending in a manner similar to your previous experience. Overanalyzing is used to try to lessen the risk of this happening.
When you try to control every aspect of an interaction, your partner may feel suffocated and claustrophobic.
This can potentially push them away, resulting in the predicament you were hoping to avoid.
2) Build Trust
Trust is an essential component of any relationship. The issue is that many people who overthink their relationships do so because they lack trust in their partner.
If your partner has a history of cheating, lying, or manipulating you, you may have valid reasons to overthink what you say. If this is the case, your overthinking will stop to an end when your partner stops acting untrustworthy or you decide to terminate the relationship.
Assuming your partner is trustworthy, it is a good idea to ask them what they meant and then accept their word for it. If your partner is honest with you, work on believing what they say.
Consider their personality for a moment. Is it true that they are the type of person who would do XY or Z? “No, my partner hasn’t done it before, and I don’t really think they would do it in the future,” most overthinkers say.
Overthinkers frequently struggle with trust because they project their past onto the future. However, whether or not something painful occurred yesterday has no influence on whether or not it will occur tomorrow.
If your partner has proven to be deserving of your trust, practice giving it to them. You won’t feel the same need to overthink things when you can rely on your partner’s words and character.
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3) Inform Your Partner
Overthinking in a relationship is frequently caused by a lack of communication. Because you haven’t spoken with them about it, you have to speculate what they are thinking or planning.
Is your partner aware that you are feeling insecure? Spend some time talking with your partner about your thoughts and feelings.
Inquire as to what they meant when they uttered XYZ or performed 123. Usually, this will answer your query about how to stop overthinking in a relationship.
4) Be honest with yourself about what you truly require in a relationship.
Overthinking in a relationship is frequently caused by a lack of knowledge of one’s own needs.
When you start overthinking something in your relationship, ask yourself, “What need do I currently have that is unmet?”
This can aid communication with your partner. Instead of bringing up all of your difficulties with your partner (which is a surefire recipe for a quarrel), explain to them what your specific requirements are.
You might inquire whether they are willing to meet this demand for you.
Here is a nice outline to utilize when communicating your requirements.
WHEN: When you raise your voice.
I FEEL: I am depressed and diminished.
I WANT: It would mean a lot to me if you worked on being more calm while expressing your worries or being more careful of not raising your voice.
When you utilize the When, I Feel, I Want technique of communicating your wants, it identifies behavior that YOU DO NOT LIKE, but it does not criticize or blame your partner. This keeps people from becoming defensive during the conversation.
Remember that asking for your needs to be satisfied in a healthy relationship has nothing to do with proving who is right or wrong. It simply means that you are sharing with your partner the things that are upsetting to you as well as the things that are genuinely meaningful to you.
Discussing needs should be a regular part of your relationship communication.
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5) Make Being Positive a Habit
We overthink sometimes because we are unduly concerned with the likelihood of undesirable results. Focusing on the positive does not imply acting as if something is excellent when it is not.
Taking your mind off the problem of how to stop overthinking in a relationship and replacing it with positive will lift your spirits.
Focusing on and thinking about positive things entails identifying positive aspects of the relationship. Many times, we underestimate how much better things are than we know because we are catastrophizing.
Catastrophizing is an irrational thought pattern in which someone continuously expects the worst possible consequence will occur in any given situation and/or in your mind turns one minor thing your partner does into a RELATIONSHIP ENDING disaster.
Spend some time becoming conscious of your ideas. When you have an anxious thought, add one positive thought to it.
6) Live in The Present
Anxious thoughts and feelings are frequently rooted in concerns about what might happen in the future. Sadness, remorse, humiliation, and judgment are all usually rooted in the past. Everything that you have direct control over exists in the present time.
This means you can also respond in ways that lessen worried thoughts in the present time. You have no influence over any potential outcomes at other times in time that aggravate your nervous feelings.
This isn’t simply to keep you from worrying about these things; it’s also to teach you that there are more important things than what might or might not happen in the future.
Here are a few things you may do to cultivate the habit of being present:
- Recognize how nervousness feels and utilize it as a clue to start being present.
- Connect with your body. What does your body feel like when you are worried, and how does it feel when you are present? (How do you feel in your head (fuzzy, clear, racing, etc.)? How do you feel in your stomach (nauseous, tense, etc.)? What is the sensation in your legs (jittery, still, etc.)?
- Pay attention to what is going on around you.
- Start keeping track of the thoughts that come to mind. What are you thinking about? Which do you wish to keep and which do you wish to discard?
7) Make Use of Your Time
If you don’t have time to sit around anxiously scrutinizing who said what and what it means, it’s much more difficult.
Fill your time with something productive that isn’t related to the relationship you’re overthinking.
Spend some time starting a project, exploring new hobbies, or going trekking. Even better, find a group of friends who share your interests and get together with them.
Developing your own daily routines and rituals (those you find peaceful and over which you have control) can also help to settle you throughout the day by providing a sense of normalcy regardless of what else happens.
8) Begin keeping a journal.
It might be challenging to identify your worries, insecurities, and urges to control some elements of your relationships. People frequently believe they have a comprehensive understanding of their own thoughts and feelings.
In most cases, the opposite is true. When considering how to stop overthinking in a relationship, your brain is like a bowl of spaghetti noodles. You might think you know what’s in there, but the noodles are all knotted up, untidy, and unclear.
Journaling functions similarly to therapy. It forces you to take each noodle (thought) out and write it down one at a time. You will gain better understanding on the challenges you are facing once you have each noodle clearly identified and written down in front of you.
When you start writing in a journal, keep the following points in mind:
- What causes you to feel ?
- What are the underlying reasons of these feelings and the need to overthink?
- Do you have any problematic thought patterns?
- What strategies can you put in place to start counteracting these impulses?
9) Seek outside assistance.
One of the most effective strategies to stop overthinking is to believe that others understand your perspective, concerns, and fears. This is especially true with persons who are not involved in the overthinking relationship.
When you communicate your thoughts and feelings with someone outside of your relationship, you can gain a different perspective on the problem, which often helps you break free from your existing psychological cycles.
It can be reassuring to read that others have gone through similar experiences and have found solutions through overthinking their own relationships.
Sharing with others alleviates the sense of isolation that is often associated with concerns such as anxiety and overthinking.
This gives you the impression that you are not the only one struggling with how to stop overthinking in a relationship.
Naming the problem and discussing it with others can help to reduce its scope.
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Consult with a therapist or a relationship coach.
People do not only require therapists or relationship coaches when they are experiencing significant challenges. Many people enjoy sharing their thoughts with someone who will listen and learning new tools and strategies to help them grow in their life and relationships.
Furthermore, if you’ve tried these or other solutions and still don’t feel like you’re able to control your overthinking, there could be something else going on.
For example, if you grew up with a parent who gave inconsistent love and emotional support, you may have acquired an anxious attachment style.
Others with anxious attachment styles frequently experience unjustified dread of abandonment in those around them.
This (and other factors) can contribute to overthinking in a relationship. If this is the case, speaking with a therapist or an excellent relationship coach is usually a good option.
That concludes our discussion of How To Stop Overthinking A Relationship.
FAQs
Why am I always expecting the worse in my relationship?
If you always expect the worst from your relationships, it’s usually because you don’t feel comfortable enough. You may have an anxious attachment style or be battling past betrayals. Feeling safe and loved will help you learn to trust and relax when dating.
Will my relationship suffer as a result of my overthinking?
Overthinking frequently increases your stress and anxiety. If your overthinking leads you to distrust your partner, it might ruin your relationship. Protect your relationship from your overthinking by being open and honest about how you’re feeling. You and your partner can work together to overcome your fears.
Why do I always overthink my relationship before going to sleep?
It’s very natural to overthink things right before bedtime, especially our relationships. This is because we’re attempting to relax without distractions, which allows your fears to be heard. Avoid doing any planning or problem-solving right before going to bed. Sleep apps can be really useful in this situation.
Conclusion
Did you like our advice on how to stop overthinking in a relationship? Trying some of these suggestions will help you quiet that worried voice in your head and allow you to truly enjoy your time with your partner.
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