What’s Fear Of Intimacy? Reasons, Where It Comes From & How To Overcome It

Intimacy fears are often unconscious and can affect a person’s ability to form or maintain close relationships. But where does it come from and how can you address it?

Due to the differences in personalities and the ways in which two individuals approach problems, relationships are frequently wrought with a variety of challenges. Sometimes, despite having many issues, a relationship can endure because of the ability of the pair to communicate. Sometimes, though, despite having a lot in common, a couple finds it difficult to maintain their relationship because they are unable to resolve the problems that arise from their unique problems.

The widespread problem of a fear of closeness is addressed in this article. This can lead to serious issues for a couple and perhaps make it difficult for them to begin what would otherwise be a very meaningful relationship.

To help both them and the person they want to be with understand why intimacy may be difficult for some individuals, we look at the five main reasons why intimacy may be difficult for some people. In addition, we examine how to resolve intimate problems if they are hurting your relationship.

Fear of intimacy: the inhibited capacity of an individual, due to worry, to interchange ideas and feelings with another highly valued human

Source: American Psychology Association

Top 5 Intimacy Issues Symptoms

Not every one of these symptoms must be present for someone to develop a fear of intimacy. For people to fear relationships and prevent a couple from having a happy future, only one or two of these behaviors need to be displayed.

1) A low sense of self

Low self-esteem can prevent a person from developing any lasting relationships in the future because they do not view themselves as deserving individuals who should have the good fortune to be in a successful relationship. As a result, they will often aggressively push someone away, either physically or emotionally, to prevent them from getting close to them. They could not want to grow close to someone out of concern that their partner will find out they are lying if they get to know them too well, or they might not want to have sex with a partner because they hate their bodies.

2) Refraining from physical contact

A person who fears intimacy will frequently avoid having sex or, in fact, any physical touch with someone they are in a relationship with, as was briefly mentioned above. Even though they might want to sleep with their partner, they don’t want to let them get close because they frequently feel unworthy of them. Additionally, they are self-conscious and avoid physical touch to reduce the possibility of getting wounded.

3) Never choosing only one sexual partner.

Of course, the opposite end of the spectrum is when a person struggles to start a physical relationship with only one significant other and instead has several sexual partners. The same aversion to intimacy is the cause of this. They will drastically reduce the possibilities of even being able to get close to someone by pushing anyone they have been close to further away and by having several sexual partners.

4) No previous history of a committed relationship

If a person has never been in a committed relationship with another person, that may be another indication that they dread intimacy. Having a lot of sexual experience again, but with many individuals rather than just one or even two partners, may be how this manifests itself. It results from keeping others at a distance out of a fear of closeness, which implies that they might suffer harm if they open up to someone.

5) Easily losing your cool with a partner

Sadly, beginning arguments with their partner is one way that many people who experience a fear of intimacy show this widespread problem. This is how they’re trying to keep you from getting too near to them by pushing you away. This could get really frustrating at times, but if you’re patient with them and try to diffuse conflicts tactfully, you might be able to deal with it.

Here are a few more warnings you can’t ignore:

Being unable to trust another person

A fear of intimacy frequently results from a lack of confidence in another person. This may result from prior experiences or relationships in which trust was betrayed, leading to a person’s desire to never again let someone close to them in. When this is a problem, it could be helpful to keep assuring one another that your honest feelings are real.

Not being able to express your sentiments in words

Of course, communication is essential to healthy relationships, but it can be challenging to deepen an emotional bond with someone if you are unable to express your feelings. This shows up as apprehension around intimacy, which can be upsetting for the person’s partner. If you are that partner, though, you can support your significant other by taking the initiative. By expressing your own emotions, you teach others how to do the same.

How to Overcome Intimacy Issues

It might be challenging, but not impossible, to get over the fear of being overly emotionally attached to someone. Follow the three instructions below to help yourself or others who you believe could benefit from working on their emotional problems.

1) Discuss it thoroughly

One of the most important aspects of a happy and healthy relationship is talking through issues with your significant other. Talk about your anxieties when they emerge, but do it in a way that neither of you feels attacked. Don’t hold things in because doing so will just make them worse and more difficult to resolve in the future.

2) Be vulnerable

Both partners in a relationship must be willing to be vulnerable with one another, even though it might be extremely difficult to do. A couple needs to be able to be vulnerable with one another and trust that their partner will always be there to support them in any manner for their relationship to work. Sometimes, the fear of being in a relationship stems from that vulnerability. A boyfriend or girlfriend can seriously harm you if you are open to them. But you both need to understand that just because they have the potential to harm you doesn’t imply they actually will.

Draw lessons from the past

It’s vital to make an effort to learn from your past mistakes so that you can move on from them and so that they won’t affect how you see the world going forward. It doesn’t necessarily follow that you won’t be wounded in your current relationship because of past relationships. Your relationships will become a self-fulfilling prophecy where you are never happy if you continually assume the worst in a partner or consistently push them away.

FAQs

What are the symptoms of intimacy problems?

There are various indicators of intimacy issues, many of which we have already mentioned. The most frequent scenario is a person with low self-esteem and trust concerns because they do not believe they are deserving of love.

What gives people intimacy anxiety?

Numerous factors can lead to a person’s fear of intimacy. Most of the time, it’s a defense mechanism to prevent someone we’ve allowed to become close to us from hurting us further in the future. One of the main motivations behind pushing a loved one away is the fear of abandonment.

How can I overcome my aversion to closeness?

Talk to yourself honestly and openly, and share with your partner the reasons behind your actions. Admit that you don’t want to behave the way you do and that you want to have fulfilling intimate relationships, but be sure to point out the obstacles in the way.

A man’s definition of intimacy

To a man, intimacy can have many distinct meanings. It can refer to a sexual relationship that involves physical intimacy, or it can refer to letting your guard down around someone and being open to sharing both past and present experiences with them.

What does it feel like to be close?

Knowing that someone won’t hurt you because you have been intimate with them, which requires letting both your physical and emotional guard down, can make intimacy feel like having a large safety net.

Final Words

The likelihood of a couple’s relationship succeeding might be significantly decreased by a fear of intimacy. Some people simply don’t want to get intimate with anyone; instead, they enjoy dating and having numerous sexual partners. Others, however, prefer the concept of getting close to someone but require guidance in learning how to do it.

If you believe this to be the case with someone in your life, you can support them by gently bringing up challenging topics and talking through problems. People who dread intimacy typically have very low self-esteem, which can be raised with the aid of a caring partner. They may even be able to open up to you in a way that they never imagined possible if you can build up their confidence through communication.