Why relationships never work out for me? Top 7 reasons explained

Last updated:June 3, 2024

There is no doubt that dating can be difficult. It’s likely you’re aware of that if you’re reading this. Perhaps you often put yourself out there and are rejected by others.

On the other hand, maybe you make ties with individuals and then cut them off when things grow too serious. Whatever your scenario is, you may be left with the impression that all relationships fail.

If you’re serious about your love life, you should look into the possible reasons why your relationships don’t work out. It’s easy to point the finger at your ex-partners, but relationships are two-sided. You are almost certainly involved in your unsuccessful relationships.

This, however, implies that you have the ability to make changes in order to better your love life.

In this post, I’ll discuss the seven most common reasons why relationships fail and how you may turn things around to create long-lasting love romances that survive the test of time.

Note: If you wish to learn more about the art of dating, be sure to also check out the article we dedicated to unconventional dating advice for women and the 12 golden tips you wish you’d known earlier.

Why can’t I maintain relationships? There are 7 major reasons why it did not work out.

1) You jumped right into things.

Whirlwind romances sound thrilling, and in all honesty, they can be.

However, as any amateur meteorologist will tell you, whirlwinds tend to leave a trail of damage in their wake.

It was just two months until I moved in with one of my ex-girlfriends.

Because we were in different countries, it seemed like the greatest choice at the moment.

I don’t completely regret it because we were together for several years. But I eventually discovered major things about him that were the primary reason for our breakup.

In a nutshell, I hurried into things.

It would have spared me a lot of sorrow and worry if I had spent some time getting to know him properly before going in feet first.

When we move too quickly in a relationship, we risk creating assumptions about the other person.

We charge ahead, only for cold harsh facts to seep in and cast everything in a new light.

That’s why some relationship experts advise seeing a new lover only once a week during the first month of dating.

The notion is that it not only reduces the possibility of heartbreak, but it also increases the relationship’s chances of long-term success.

So, if you, like me, are the ‘only idiots rush in’ type, adjusting to a more’slow and steady wins the race’ strategy may be just what you need.

2) You can’t get past the honeymoon period.

Who doesn’t enjoy the early phases of any romance?

It’s thrilling; you get butterflies and want to touch them all the time.

You don’t care how messy they are or how late they are all the time. You even think it’s “cute.”

Why? Because you’re essentially high.

Feel-good hormones flood your system, encouraging you to bond and mate with your new bae.

In comparison to remaining in love, falling in love is quite simple.

In the beginning, Mother Nature is on your side to lend a hand. It’s known as “limerence” in science.

Everything appears and feels perfect during this brief happy phase. However, the high will eventually wear off.

Your relationship will eventually stop feeling like the newest rom-com teaser. Surprisingly, this frequently corresponds with the end of this stage.

The honeymoon phase can last up to 18 to 24 months, but it might expire considerably sooner depending on how much time you spend together.

Many couples are unprepared for the serious work required to preserve a relationship because they lack the effortless enthusiasm generated by a surge of neurotransmitters in their bodies.

It’s critical that we all recognize that it’s quite natural for relationships to alter and evolve over time.

Losing the butterflies or wanting to pull each other’s clothing off doesn’t mean you don’t love one other – you’re just at a different stage.

It may not be the same adrenaline rush, but it does bring distinct rewards of deeper connection.

3) You had unrealistic expectations for the relationship.

We are constantly bombarded with stories about love and relationships being the ultimate prize in life.

From the books we were read as children to the romance flicks that always finish on the perfect ‘happily ever after,’ it’s no surprise that falling in love feels like the ultimate solution to every difficulty.

All of your Christmases and birthdays bundled into one.

You will be set free by love.

All you need is love.

But is this the case?

Trying to hide in love has been one of my worst tendencies throughout my life.

It appears to be the ideal form of distraction and such an attractive location to seek refuge from the challenges and tribulations that life inevitably brings.

Don’t get me wrong: romantic love can be wonderful. However, its abilities do not always extend as far as we would like.

And we can easily overestimate our expectations.

It will not ensure happiness, will not eliminate loneliness, and will not “rescue us” – we must do that ourselves.

You are still accountable for meeting all of your emotional, social, spiritual, and financial requirements, regardless of who you live with.

However, many of us are left irritated and disillusioned when our unrealistic expectations of what a relationship should do for us are not met.

4) You never actually awaken a man’s “inner hero”.

We may believe that we are doing enough for our partner, but there are some things that, if not done, can undermine the relationship.

For guys, it’s all about bringing out their inner hero.

The hero instinct taught me about this. This breakthrough notion, coined by relationship expert James Bauer, is about three main drivers that all men have profoundly imprinted in their DNA.

The majority of women are unaware of this.

However, once activated, these drivers transform men into the heroes of their own lives. When they find someone who understands how to activate this, they feel better, love harder, and commit more strongly.

You may be wondering why it’s referred to as “the hero instinct.” Is it really necessary for men to feel like superheroes in order to commit to a woman?

Absolutely not. Leave Marvel alone. You won’t have to play the damsel in distress to make him perceive you as the one.

The truth is that there is no expense or sacrifice on your part. With just a few minor tweaks in your approach, you’ll be able to access a part of him that no other woman has.

The simplest method to achieve this is to watch James Bauer’s great free video here. He offers some simple starting points, such as sending him a 12-word text that will immediately activate his hero instinct.

That’s the allure of the hero impulse.

It’s only a matter of knowing what to say to make him realize he wants you and only you.

All of this and more is covered in this instructive free videoì, so watch it if you want to make him yours for good.

Here’s another link to the free video.

5) The relationship was completely out of balance.

I’ll just come right out and say it: unconditional love is nonsense.

Okay, so it may exist on some spiritual level, but when it comes to the earthy practice of human love – it does and should be subject to constraints.

Many of us use love as an excuse to let people press our buttons or accept the unacceptable.

It’s no surprise that we can easily fall into energetically imbalanced relationships in which one person provides too much while the other takes too much.

One person pulls while the other pushes.

One individual invests more than the other.

One person takes on the role of the savior, while the other takes on the role of the victim.

There are numerous circumstances in which the energy and power balance in a relationship is off.

That is also why many people wind themselves in toxic, imbalanced, and fundamentally codependent relationships.

While no partnership will ever be mathematically 50/50 straight down the middle, both parties must contribute properly.

You just cannot sustain it unless both parties contribute. Even if you go to great lengths to ensure the survival of your relationship, it won’t succeed until they reciprocate.

6) The same activity produced the same outcomes.

We humans are creatures of habit.

You continue to pursue the bad boys, and they continue to break your heart.

You keep becoming envious and needy, while they keep fleeing to the hills.

Also, you keep becoming involved in “friends with benefits” situationships, and they keep avoiding commitment.

We’ve all heard that if you repeat the same action, you’ll get the same result.

When it comes to relationships, though, it doesn’t stop us from making the same mistakes over and over.

A lot of relationships fail because people bring a lot of emotional baggage with them.

Even if they keep stuff neatly packed away in a suitcase at first, when they start unpacking, it causes a slew of issues.

That is why a little self-awareness goes a long way.

Our own deep-seated life experiences and insecurities frequently sabotage us.

As a result, learning to repair your injured self can be extremely satisfying.

Understanding what drives and inspires you will not make things great overnight.

However, it allows you to go deeper into your relationship beliefs, ideas, and actions.

When we do this, we may consciously analyze what serves us and what we should let go of in order to better our romantic relationships.

Your relationship with yourself is always the most significant and primary relationship in your life.

The more well-rounded and healthy you are on your own, the better your relationships with others will be.

7) You weren’t completely honest with yourself or with them.

Communication, oh communication. How often have we heard that communication is the cornerstone to all good relationships?

Despite our best efforts, even many of life’s most brilliant communicators struggle in the setting of relationships.

We’re so invested when we have romantic feelings for someone else that it’s notoriously tough.

We don’t want to offend anyone’s sentiments, say the wrong thing, or cause extra drama.

However, this can lead to ineffective communication about what we truly want and need in our relationship.

Not just with your lover, but possibly even with yourself.

You may try to convince yourself that things that bother you aren’t a “big problem,” or that things you want “don’t mean that much.”

If you’re frightened of upsetting people, you might be keeping certain things to yourself.

A therapist once told me that when she sees a couple who doesn’t dispute, it’s a dead giveaway.

Why? Because in a partnership, fighting is an almost inescapable kind of communication.

Rather than being an indication of a truly great connection, the absence of any dispute, in her experience, was far more often a sign that one or both people were hiding their true sentiments.

For years, I had been telling myself that I was the most laid-back girlfriend in the entire world.

This was a eureka moment. I wasn’t as cool as a cucumber as I’d been portraying myself to be.

In actuality, I was too afraid to adequately express how I felt because I was afraid of losing what I had.

But, no matter how much we wish we could brush relationship troubles under the rug, they must always be addressed.

If you are not honest with your partner about how you truly feel and what you truly believe, the truth will ultimately come out (in potentially destructive ways).

This pertains to the previously described unique concept of the hero instinct. When a man feels appreciated, valuable, and required, he is more willing to communicate openly with you.

The best part is that arousing his hero instinct can be as simple as understanding what to say over text.

You may learn all of this and more by viewing this genuine video by James Bauer.

A couple more fundamental reasons why relationships rarely last

You projected yourself onto your partner.

The first date went so well that you’re lying in bed, neatly inserting them into your life using the power of your imagination.

You daydream about the thrilling courting you’ll have and the intensely passionate love you’ll have.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve spent many joyful hours in my imagination making up these scenarios.

And it feels fantastic.

Of course, you don’t give any thought to what they desire. After all, this is your daydream.

Without ruining your romantic escapism, this is just projection, pure and simple.

The stories we tell ourselves are 99.9% of the time based on a vision of who we want someone to be rather than who they are.

We frequently play privately agreed-upon roles in the romantic relationships we form.

You act like everything I want you to be, and I’ll do the same. That way, we can meet each other’s needs.

The other person becomes a blank canvas on which we attempt to construct a mental picture.

If that sounds a little strange, explore a little deeper and you could find it has more truth than you think.

It’s more normal in the early stages of a romance to project an idea of a perfect companion onto someone. One that they will never be able to live up to.

Projection is always a deception. And when we see through it, the relationship will most certainly fall apart.

You had different desires.

Perhaps you complete your homework, fall in love with a wonderful person, and everything appears to be going swimmingly.

However, this does not mean that your life goals will not align in the future.

People change, even if you have the same vision now.

For example, it can be difficult for couples who meet at an early age to stay together.

You are prepared for marriage, but your partner is not.

Your partner wants a lot of children, but that’s not in the cards for you.

She wants to get drunk every weekend, but you’d rather cozy up on the couch with a nice movie.

While differences in a pair can bring excitement and even strengthen your relationship, they rarely do.

Being on different wavelengths from your partner puts a strain on things unless they are differences you truly enjoy and value.

That’s why “we just wanted different things” is one of the most regularly used statements following a breakup to explain why you split up.

You’re not being picky enough.

I believe there has never been a more socially acceptable time to be single.

Even a few decades ago, a single woman my age at a dinner gathering would raise many eyebrows.

However, meeting a single individual is no longer considered strange or out of the norm.

In reality, according to recent research, more than half of young adults (18-34) do not have a romantic partner.

At the same time, there is a distinct push on many of us to settle down and find “the one” as soon as possible.

Many people may feel pressured to complete all tasks within a specific time window.

You might desire to meet someone by X, marry by Y, and start living at your seaside home with 2 points 4 children by Z.

The fact that life does not function that way does not seem to deter us.

Instead, we try to force this myth into existence by fitting a square peg into a round hole.

We can easily lose sight of our judgment because to our intense (and normal) desire for partnership.

Because we want a relationship so badly, we walk into situations that are doomed to fail from the start.

Rather of taking our time and being selective, we sometimes buy in a hurry.

It’s similar like looking for the right clothing for a big night out.

Nothing feels quite right, so you settle for the best alternative available at the time and convince yourself that “ah well, this will suffice.”

But don’t be surprised if, when you get it home, you find yourself wondering, “What on earth was I thinking?!?”

Conclusion: When dating does not work out

You should have a better understanding of why your previous relationships didn’t work out and why your ex-boyfriends weren’t interested in resolving what was broken.

So the goal now is to communicate with your man in a way that empowers both of you.

I stated the hero instinct earlier; by appealing directly to his inner motivations, you can not only overcome this problem, but you will also push your relationship to new heights.

And, because this free video explains exactly how to activate your man’s hero instinct, you might make this transformation as soon as today.

He’ll see you as the sole woman for him thanks to James Bauer’s brilliant idea. So, if you’re ready to take the jump, make sure you read his unique counsel first.

Here’s another link to the fantastic free video.

Why relationships never work out for me? They don’t last for 7 reasons